Happy New Year!
It’s been quite some time since I last updated this lovely little blog, and for good reason. You see…I’m prego!!! I wanted to wait to be able to tell all about it, and now that I’m 13 weeks along (and few if any people actually read this thing) it’s probably safe to write about.
We found out three days before Sam’s birthday (which is November 8th). We’d gone ‘all natural’ in October, and decided we’d just see what would happen. I keep telling people I feel very strongly Heavenly Father knows exactly what he’s doing when it comes to choosing when to send kids-I really feel like that applies to us. For a number of reasons, but one being because we had fears and doubts and who knows, I might have chickened out and gone back on birth control in November. But that door has closed! Too late now! J
It was actually really early in the morning, but I felt restless because my period hadn’t come when it was supposed to and I kept wondering, “Could it be? I know it’s unlikely…but could it be?” Finally I could take it no longer, hopped out of bed and took a test in the bathroom (we’d had a scare in May and I still had an extra one from then). I can’t tell you how anxious I felt-I was excited and nervous and trying so hard to tell myself not to be disappointed when it would say I wasn’t pregnant…and then that second line appeared within 20 seconds. Two lines! Positive! Pregnant!!! I grabbed Sam’s hand, yanked him out of bed with my only explanation being “honey! Come look! Come look, you have to see this!” And danced, squealed, giggled, and hugged my sweetheart for half an hour straight. And so the journey began. We decided we would keep it to ourselves for a while, because I’d had so many friends have miscarriages at different times in the year and didn’t want to announce it to everyone only to have that happen.
The next day we headed up to Idaho, so Sam could have a nice horseback ride for his birthday with his dad and brother. It’s a tradition for him to have at least one good one in the fall. I insisted he take the camera along…but I’d forgotten I’d taken all these pics of the positive pregnancy test, and when his brother asked to look through the pictures Sam had taken of their ride…surprise!
We only made it ONE day until someone found out! Wow. J
I just laughed and laughed, but that made us decide to tell our parents and swear Jotham to secrecy.
Since then I’ve been pretty sick…it hasn’t been an easy pregnancy, to be sure. For some horrible reason, I’d wake up and feel fine, but feel sick right when we needed to leave for school. Maybe it had to do with how long I’d been awake or something…I didn’t think it was a clever joke on fate’s part. Other than that initial feeling sick in the morning, which I just had to barrel through, I’d usually get the most sick around 5-6 at night. And REALLY need a nap at about 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I can tell you honestly though, that although I really hate the feeling of throwing up, I was always relieved when I actually would because I felt better those days. But that only happened once or twice a week-the rest of the days I just had to deal with it.
It was a treat finally getting to tell our siblings-we told mine (other than Dan and Britany, who we told earlier when they were visiting) on Christmas day, and Sam’s on the day of the Hatch family party (the 28th). I gave Sam some baby clothes which he opened in front of my family, and Loalee (my mother-in-law) gave me some pacifiers which I also opened in front of everyone. Fun times. J That makes 4 babies on the Hatch side that will be arriving in 2011, and 3 on the Christensen side! And I wouldn’t be surprised if that number gets bumped up to 4, too!
We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time on December…7th? Or 9th or something, and to see it. That was crazy-I couldn’t stop giggling, I was just so excited and thought it was so surreal. I don’t think the woman conducting the ultrasound appreciated my tummy rising and falling with laughter-didn’t make her job any easier. But she was a good sport. Sam said “Look honey, you’re growing a…blob” since neither of us had any idea what it was we were seeing until the specialist put little plus signs on the screen showing where the baby started and stopped. But when we spotted it, that was really special.
I also felt it move for the first time about two weeks ago, when I was about 12 weeks along. That’s really early, if you don’t know, but we were at a BYU basketball game and it can hear by now. So I think it just flipped out with all the noise. THAT was even more crazy-I was reading Harry Potter at halftime, and I felt this little poke on the inside. I stopped what I was doing abruptly and stared at my belly. I put my hand on it, and about ten minutes later sure enough I felt another little poke, on the inside and out! It was not painful, it was just like… “Mom! Where are we?! I hate this place! Get me outta here right now!!!” That’s what I think anyway. J Sam didn’t get to feel it but he will soon, I’m sure.
I guess there’s only one other side to the story that I’m not sure all mommies-to-be experience, but I doubt many in mormon culture talk about. I mean the side of me that isn’t even sure if I want to be a mom yet. I knew it was there but felt kind of ashamed of it, until two stories from sisters in law (one on each side). The first was her telling of her mom, when her mom’s youngest (so my sister in law’s youngest sibling) was in the oven. She hadn’t been planning on this baby, and she didn’t want it for a long time. It took the length of the entire pregnancy for her to be able to be excited about its arrival. But when it came, she was.
The second story was of my sister in law herself, told by her husband. He talked about how when they decided to ‘see what happened’ and go off birth control, neither of them expected to get pregnant for quite some time. So when they found out they were immediately, it was pretty overwhelming. They were also poor students, and had fears of how they were going to get by as well. And she…she just wasn’t even ready for it yet. She wanted to be a mom, but the idea was still…so overwhelming. So intense. It took her some time to get beyond that, to be totally fine with what was coming and put not only her fears but…I don’t know, desires? Of not being ready for this step, behind her.
Truth be told, and I won’t confess this often but I figured might as well be honest, I do feel that way right now. I’m really excited, and this is really amazing, but I also can’t believe this is happening in kind of a terrified way. I don’t feel ready and kind of want to postpone the inevitable. Which makes me feel pretty guilty, too-I know this is an incredible gift, and I have some people very close to me who have been trying for much longer than Sam and I did to be able to start their families and haven’t been able to.
But I’m scared of this step-as far as I can tell it’s the second biggest one I’ll ever take, next to getting married in the temple. I’m scared of what it could mean for Sam and my relationship-I know it’ll have to change in a lot of ways, and selfishly I don’t want to have to give up a lot of what I have with him right now as things are.
Does that make me a bad Mormon? …that kind of makes me smile. I hope it does, for scandal’s sake. How silly. Life will come, the baby will come, and though I’m both really excited and really terrified right now…everything will be ok.
It’s been quite some time since I last updated this lovely little blog, and for good reason. You see…I’m prego!!! I wanted to wait to be able to tell all about it, and now that I’m 13 weeks along (and few if any people actually read this thing) it’s probably safe to write about.
We found out three days before Sam’s birthday (which is November 8th). We’d gone ‘all natural’ in October, and decided we’d just see what would happen. I keep telling people I feel very strongly Heavenly Father knows exactly what he’s doing when it comes to choosing when to send kids-I really feel like that applies to us. For a number of reasons, but one being because we had fears and doubts and who knows, I might have chickened out and gone back on birth control in November. But that door has closed! Too late now! J
It was actually really early in the morning, but I felt restless because my period hadn’t come when it was supposed to and I kept wondering, “Could it be? I know it’s unlikely…but could it be?” Finally I could take it no longer, hopped out of bed and took a test in the bathroom (we’d had a scare in May and I still had an extra one from then). I can’t tell you how anxious I felt-I was excited and nervous and trying so hard to tell myself not to be disappointed when it would say I wasn’t pregnant…and then that second line appeared within 20 seconds. Two lines! Positive! Pregnant!!! I grabbed Sam’s hand, yanked him out of bed with my only explanation being “honey! Come look! Come look, you have to see this!” And danced, squealed, giggled, and hugged my sweetheart for half an hour straight. And so the journey began. We decided we would keep it to ourselves for a while, because I’d had so many friends have miscarriages at different times in the year and didn’t want to announce it to everyone only to have that happen.
The next day we headed up to Idaho, so Sam could have a nice horseback ride for his birthday with his dad and brother. It’s a tradition for him to have at least one good one in the fall. I insisted he take the camera along…but I’d forgotten I’d taken all these pics of the positive pregnancy test, and when his brother asked to look through the pictures Sam had taken of their ride…surprise!
We only made it ONE day until someone found out! Wow. J
I just laughed and laughed, but that made us decide to tell our parents and swear Jotham to secrecy.
Since then I’ve been pretty sick…it hasn’t been an easy pregnancy, to be sure. For some horrible reason, I’d wake up and feel fine, but feel sick right when we needed to leave for school. Maybe it had to do with how long I’d been awake or something…I didn’t think it was a clever joke on fate’s part. Other than that initial feeling sick in the morning, which I just had to barrel through, I’d usually get the most sick around 5-6 at night. And REALLY need a nap at about 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I can tell you honestly though, that although I really hate the feeling of throwing up, I was always relieved when I actually would because I felt better those days. But that only happened once or twice a week-the rest of the days I just had to deal with it.
It was a treat finally getting to tell our siblings-we told mine (other than Dan and Britany, who we told earlier when they were visiting) on Christmas day, and Sam’s on the day of the Hatch family party (the 28th). I gave Sam some baby clothes which he opened in front of my family, and Loalee (my mother-in-law) gave me some pacifiers which I also opened in front of everyone. Fun times. J That makes 4 babies on the Hatch side that will be arriving in 2011, and 3 on the Christensen side! And I wouldn’t be surprised if that number gets bumped up to 4, too!
We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time on December…7th? Or 9th or something, and to see it. That was crazy-I couldn’t stop giggling, I was just so excited and thought it was so surreal. I don’t think the woman conducting the ultrasound appreciated my tummy rising and falling with laughter-didn’t make her job any easier. But she was a good sport. Sam said “Look honey, you’re growing a…blob” since neither of us had any idea what it was we were seeing until the specialist put little plus signs on the screen showing where the baby started and stopped. But when we spotted it, that was really special.
I also felt it move for the first time about two weeks ago, when I was about 12 weeks along. That’s really early, if you don’t know, but we were at a BYU basketball game and it can hear by now. So I think it just flipped out with all the noise. THAT was even more crazy-I was reading Harry Potter at halftime, and I felt this little poke on the inside. I stopped what I was doing abruptly and stared at my belly. I put my hand on it, and about ten minutes later sure enough I felt another little poke, on the inside and out! It was not painful, it was just like… “Mom! Where are we?! I hate this place! Get me outta here right now!!!” That’s what I think anyway. J Sam didn’t get to feel it but he will soon, I’m sure.
I guess there’s only one other side to the story that I’m not sure all mommies-to-be experience, but I doubt many in mormon culture talk about. I mean the side of me that isn’t even sure if I want to be a mom yet. I knew it was there but felt kind of ashamed of it, until two stories from sisters in law (one on each side). The first was her telling of her mom, when her mom’s youngest (so my sister in law’s youngest sibling) was in the oven. She hadn’t been planning on this baby, and she didn’t want it for a long time. It took the length of the entire pregnancy for her to be able to be excited about its arrival. But when it came, she was.
The second story was of my sister in law herself, told by her husband. He talked about how when they decided to ‘see what happened’ and go off birth control, neither of them expected to get pregnant for quite some time. So when they found out they were immediately, it was pretty overwhelming. They were also poor students, and had fears of how they were going to get by as well. And she…she just wasn’t even ready for it yet. She wanted to be a mom, but the idea was still…so overwhelming. So intense. It took her some time to get beyond that, to be totally fine with what was coming and put not only her fears but…I don’t know, desires? Of not being ready for this step, behind her.
Truth be told, and I won’t confess this often but I figured might as well be honest, I do feel that way right now. I’m really excited, and this is really amazing, but I also can’t believe this is happening in kind of a terrified way. I don’t feel ready and kind of want to postpone the inevitable. Which makes me feel pretty guilty, too-I know this is an incredible gift, and I have some people very close to me who have been trying for much longer than Sam and I did to be able to start their families and haven’t been able to.
But I’m scared of this step-as far as I can tell it’s the second biggest one I’ll ever take, next to getting married in the temple. I’m scared of what it could mean for Sam and my relationship-I know it’ll have to change in a lot of ways, and selfishly I don’t want to have to give up a lot of what I have with him right now as things are.
Does that make me a bad Mormon? …that kind of makes me smile. I hope it does, for scandal’s sake. How silly. Life will come, the baby will come, and though I’m both really excited and really terrified right now…everything will be ok.
:)
ReplyDelete