Thank you, Salt Lake City

  
Thank you, mobile home. Sam cursed you for your weird jimmy rigs, and I hated the cigarette smoke that was so plentiful outside. But I loved the wonderful natural lighting, having a playroom, and all the extra space in the garage. Also I was very grateful Sam had a separate room he could study in behind the garage, so I wasn't as stressed about trying to keep the kids quiet during that time (an impossible task). And we really enjoyed the swings, slide, monkey bars, trampoline and sandbox in the backyard. Thanks for being our refuge from the storm for nearly three years.
   

Thank you, Whitmore, Murray and Holladay libraries. Especially Whitmore. And the Salt Lake County Library System in general. Libraries are my happy place, and the materials you had were so valuable to me and my family. It was a free, fun outing we could always count on, and an invaluable asset particularly when we homeschooled. I'll miss you.
 
Thank you, Wheeler Farm. Besides the animals, which were fun, you gave me a slice of wilderness in Salt Lake. It really kind of sung to my soul, honestly. And again, free!! We were going on a weekly basis at one point. I'll miss you.

Thank you, dollar theater and Nickelmania. I loved going to both of you. Seriously. Cheap entertainment was so valuable to a poor family with no income. I'll miss you.
  
Thank you, awesome homeschoolers I got to know. Tess and Jana in particular. You opened my eyes to different ways to view education, warmed me to unschooling (even if it may not be for me), and welcomed me even if our political and religious views could be so different. You always acted kind and warm, and I always felt validated and calmer about homeschooling in general, after time around you. I miss you.

Thank you, Rachael and Emily. Oh, you two! I can't believe that we've gone from within an hour of each other to in three different states, in three short months. I just adore you. Thanks for everything, continuously. Thanks for the mom nights, for listening to me when I cried. For sharing your lives as well. For understanding my love of homeschooling, and not judging me for that. It's kind of nuts that it's been 11 years since we were all roommates. But I'm so grateful to still have your friendship as a big part of my life. 

Thank you, my Chevy Chase Ward mom friends. You have seriously changed me for the better. When we moved to Salt Lake, I was sad to leave an area and ward I had really loved in Springville, and worried about how I would handle my husband in law school with three little kids at the same time.
    


But time passed. I met Brynn. I set up that mom group, and a bit later mom's nights out, at both of which I got to know Shauna, Tawni, Yael, Brittany and Julia well. More time passed; Shauna and Katie did that preschool co-op with me. Others moved in, and I appreciated getting to know Jennifer, Emily, Deborah, Jessica and Alicia as well. 

 I had preconceived notions about the 'type' of people who would ever be interested in being my friends, or who I could relate to. I really felt these got blown out of the water with your friendships. You had strengths I do not, but I never was made to feel lesser than around you. I can't remember a single interaction of any of you speaking ill of each other. It was always uplifting and positive, even when I was feeling at my worst. You don't know how much your kindness meant to me, at times when I couldn't share how hard of a time I was actually having. Which is saying something! Since I was prone, comfortable as I became around all of you, to share a lot. I miss you all terribly.

Thank you, Chevy Chase Ward primary. Oh my goodness I love you all. Small but mighty! All of the kids: I think of you often. And all the leaders: you really raised the bar, in my eyes, of what magnifying your calling looks like. So much thought was put into lessons, music, activities. So much love that I could see, and was ever so grateful for as a parent. I miss you very much.    

Thank you, Chevy Chase Ward at large. I doubt we'll ever feel so valuable to a ward. I worried, when we first moved in, and it was so quiet I could hear benches creaking when people would shift in their seats. I thought "Oh no!! We have a 5 year old, almost 3 year old and 5 month old!! We're going to be so disruptive and everyone will hate us!!" I couldn't have been more wrong. We certainly did have our moments; I never did find that Buzz Lightyear action figure Atticus tossed angrily once as I carried him out. But with very little exception, we were always made to feel SO welcome by the other members of the ward. People would remember our kids' names, ask how they were individually. I can remember multiple times when people would come up randomly, with small but intentional gifts, and say "I was just thinking of your kids and had to buy this for them." Other times, someone would stop by with a treat, just because. Or send an email, just because. I don't think I fully understood what a ward family feels like, until this ward. I've loved a lot, but geeze. You set the bar. You took care of us through one of the, to this point, hardest stages of our lives. You provided such inspirational lessons and insights, saying just what I needed to get me through one more week without even realizing it so often. And the outpouring of love that all of us experienced...we miss you.

Thank you, so much of my family. It's not like I'm dead, and I still hope we can come down to Utah often. But it isn't the same. I love you so much. And mom and dad, I thought 45 minutes was an adjustment! Four hours certainly puts that into perspective. My little family has had a lot of change over the course of our children's short lives; it was nice to have extended family time with my side as a constant they could count on, at least monthly. Our kids' best friends are truly your children.  It was the number one hardest thing to move away from, taking them away from the accessibility of all that. I hope we're able to still keep their friendships strong, as well as our own. How I rely on you. How I appreciated knowing, even if I didn't utilize it as much as I now (of course) feel like I could have, that a lot of family was a mere 20 minutes to an hour away. I know we are where we are supposed to be in Idaho right now, and I don't dislike our area or ward. But I do miss you and love you, so, so much.

I guess I should say thanks to the S.J. Quinney College of Law, at the University of Utah. I only went to you like three times though. But thank you for giving Sam a chance to get an education, preparing him for a career in something he enjoys. I won't really miss you, but...fist bump? Thanks.

Thanks Salt Lake. And Utah, I guess. It's been real.

After....

After:

• Plans and steps towards becoming a(n):
• Optometrist
• Helicopter Pilot
• Speech and Language Pathologist
• Physical Therapist
• ATTORNEY
• Living in a mobile home, while friends and family's regular brick and mortar homes they owned appreciated in value;
• Waking up at 5:00 A.M. to study, so that after 5:00 P.M. he could be present for his wife and three children;
• Plunging, steadily, into deeper student debt, which paid for not only tuition and books but a family of five's living expenses...
• ...and yet kept us well below the poverty line, and trying very consciously to shield this reality from our kids;
• Stressing about getting a job that first summer (which only a handful really did get);
• Doing really well! In many classes, and winning some awards;
• Stressing about getting a job that second summer (which most really did get, but Sam did not)
• Becoming Elder's Quorum President, briefly;
• Making law review, and getting published (which few did);
• Stressing about getting a job offered for after graduation, which many had lined up at the beginning of the 3rd year, and almost all had lined up by Christmas...but somehow Sam did not; which meant we'd had...
• Near crippling anxiety (and forced optimism, and silent tears, on my part) about the future for two straight years....

Sam was offered a job at the end of January, doing just about exactly what he'd hoped to professionally. 

And yesterday, he graduated. !!!!!

Sam has said doing law school, along with meeting his family's needs simultaneously, has to this point been the hardest thing he's ever done. 

I'm so proud of him. <3 div="">

This song has basically been my theme song over the years, particularly since he began law school. Hopefully you can appreciate how poignant it is, for me.

Contrary to popular belief...

I actually have not forgotten about this little spot. Truth be told, it got hard writing because of life circumstances. Law school is hard, yo. Hard on the student, hard on the family. And social media made it hard not to feel like I’m not measuring up, often. Hard not to compare and feel bad that we still don’t own a house, that we can’t afford a lot of fun activities we would love to, for our kids.

I also mostly have just wanted to share thoughts, but I know people see these things for cute posts about families. Not wanting to delve into my overanalysis. Oi vey!

But truly I like writing. It’s enjoyable. And I’m hoping to find that happy medium between sharing, but not feeling like I’m competing, in life; and maybe sharing a bit of both (thoughts and general happenings).

There’s something kind of annoying about Instagram and Facebook, to me. It almost feels like we do these little blurbs, with pics, and in action are saying “Care about me! Just look! Real fast! I promise it won’t take long!” And if it IS too long, or not interesting enough,  we scroll past it.

I still love what people I care about share, because it’s much better than no contact! But I think I yearn for real connection, with a smaller number of people.

So! I think I’m going to try to bring blogging back into my life. Share my family’s updates, without feeling like I’m begging people to not forget me. (For the record that’s not what I think others are doing, it’s just a bit how I feel when I share things. This isn’t a judgment against others, at all. Please keep sharing if you do!)

I’d also love if it didn’t make anyone feel bad...the way incredible homes and accomplishments sometimes do, for me. But it’s a fine line! Everyone wants to share wha t they’re proud of. So...hopefully I can find a happy medium. Keep it authentic, mainly.

So! Fingers crossed!