What Do I Want the Kids To Leave the House Knowing/Able To Do? A Game Plan.

Over a year ago, I sat down and thought out: what do I want my kids to leave the house knowing? In a perfect world, if I got to choose. I've added a couple things to that list, and dropped a couple others. But here's what I'd like my children to leave the house armed with the knowledge of.

How to clean
How to cook (basics, at least)
How to work--effort praised, rather than intelligence (watch this video, it's fascinating)
Healthy eating
Also, eating what's put in front of them
Exercise (healthy lifestyle)
Social Skills
Gospel Study
Service (or, Acts of Love)
What love and respect looks like, and how to treat others
(Along with that) Manners
Journal writing
Delayed gratification (Look up the Walter Mischel marshmallow experiment, and outcomes later in life)
Creativity: how to entertain themselves, and pursue hobbies and interests
Love of Learning
Patience/anger control
Some understanding of politics, finances

That's quite the hefty list, eh? Still. I was thinking: raising my kids will be the most important thing I do in my life. But I've been really lazy about it, as of late. It seems like I've just been...you know, existing. Not really moving in any direction...which I think means I'm probably moving in a negative direction. But when I was a young teen and a babysitter, I was awesome! I was so creative and engaging and seriously, just loved the time I got to spend with young children. I want that back, to be more like that. I also want to start treating parenting more like a job, than just...doing it. I mean when I taught pre-school for a short period of time, every day I had to have a lesson prepared, a craft ready, etc. I'd like to be more like that.
So here's my goal, of what we're going to be doing on days when we're home all day:

 I printed off eight different things that I think would be worthwhile ways to spend our days, and stuck them on the top part of the fridge: creative time (art stuff), active, 'intellectual' (numbers and letters for right now, mainly), acts of love/service, social time (I just called it friends, for Jori's sake), music time (singing), cleaning, and tv time (because if it's not a planned part of our day, it'll happen anyway and replace something else, and I'll feel guilty every day). Not all of them will be done each day--for example, Jori won't be playing with friends every day (I'm way too much of an introvert to arrange play dates for every single day). Some of these I'll just be happy with if we did them that week. But I'm trying to take into consideration what I want them to leave the house knowing/able to do, and start now. Because I don't think I can just put it off till they're 17 and then hope I can cram it all in and somehow, their habits of the past 17 years will disappear. But of course some things have to wait (politics comes to mind).

 I also have a small one for baths, and plan to stick it at the end of the day on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday nights.

 Then I have each hour, from 8:00 AM (when we start our day) to 8:00 PM (when I want Jori in bed by) represented on the bottom half of the fridge, with room for all those top eight items to be placed in where they're done that day with magnets. That way, we are allowed some flexibility: we can do songs at 9:00 one day, at 5:00 another. Or we can do three of the activities in one hour one day, like intellectual, service and creative time, and do none of them for the next two hours. I'm not really setting a time limit, but I'll be satisfied honestly even if we only do these activities for five minutes each, each day. Or SOME of them for five minutes each, each day. I know it won't be perfect because I'm not, and change takes time.

A few things, however, are supposed to be at certain times and are taped there. These are mainly eating times (breakfast, lunch and dinner, with two snacks in between), and our getting up and going to bed routines. So I'm hoping in the morning, we will eat breakfast and read the Book of Mormon together as a family during it (that's what we're currently doing). Then we'll be dressed for the day by 9:00. So I have pictures to represent each of those things. Then, in the evening with Jori, we will clean up any messes starting at 6:45, change into pajamas, write in a journal (since she's two, we'll just ask her about the day and write down what she says for her in her journal/write any things she did that day that we want to remember), read stories, brush teeth, say prayers and sing some songs, with her in bed by 8:00. That's the goal anyway.

I know this isn't covering all the ground that could be covered, as far as teaching them what I want them to leave the house knowing. Like there's nothing in here that will necessarily teach them cooking, and healthy eating isn't necessarily addressed yet in here, either. But I've gotta take baby steps. If I try to do too much at once, it's going to fail. The hardest part starting out I think is going to be creative time--we don't have that many art supplies, and trying to plan crafts usually just gives me anxiety (if you've searched it on pinterest, you can see how overwhelming it can be!). So this is my first attempt. We'll see how it goes.

Tender mercies...and then some somewhat unpleasant news.

Yesterday was kind of an off day for Jori and I. You know how they go-one of us is grumpy (though which one starts it is a chicken-or-the-egg-first argument), so the other one gets grumpy and then it just keeps playing back and forth all day. It wasn't even really all day-she had a really long nap, so I had a nice reprieve then, it just seemed the worst in the afternoon.

So Sam took Jori with him in the backyard where he was barbequing chicken, and I had a chance to try to catch my breath.

And here I'd like to add a snippet from my childhood: my family sang a lot growing up. Not like a crazy amount, but we always sang at FHE and when we got older my parents would have more elaborate arrangements of things to sing...at least for the boys. (I got shafted-there's no room for a girl in barbershop quartets.) Anyway the point is my parents raised me to sing,  when I'm supposed to sing. So I always sang out in church, because that was the example they set. And with such music drifting around in our home, I came to memorize a lot of hymns that I still have memorized to this day. And the Lord really blesses me with this knowledge: often, when something is going on in my life, a hymn will pop into my head that is just perfect for the occasion. Even when I wasn't seeking it! This has been such a wonderful gift for me.

So that's what happened yesterday: a hymn popped into my head. But I'd never thought to apply the hymn I did, to the situation I did. So when I tell (or  remind) you the words to the first verse of this song, think of how frustrated and discouraged I was with my parenting, and feeling like I wasn't able to get through to Jori and calm her down. How exhausted I was from such a long day, and also how guilty I felt for knowing I played a big part in any negativity that day. And then, the words came to me and I began to sing:

Let us all press on in the work of the Lord,
That when life is o'er we may gain a reward.
In the fight for right let us yield a sword,
The mighty sword of truth.
Fear not, though the enemy deride,
Courage! For the Lord is on our side
We will heed not what the wicked may say
But the Lord, alone we will obey.

I'd always thought of that song for things like missionary work, service projects, standing up for the gospel in the face of evil. I'd never applied it to the work of a homemaker. But those words were for me yesterday! The sword of truth: truth, the knowledge that THIS is the Lord's work. Raising up a new generation of His children in love, and teaching them to love the Lord and follow Him. Even if I don't feel like I'm to that point at all yet. And fear not: discouragement will come. But the Lord is on our side. The Lord is on my side!!! I knew this of course, but singing it, reminding  myself of it, brought me to tears. It was such a comfort, to think Heavenly Father doesn't want to scold me, to frown down at me, to make me feel bad about my job as a parent. Of course we have to answer for the wrongs we do to our children, of course repentance is necessary, but He wants more than anything  for us to succeed. He isn't rooting  for our failure-He's doing everything we let Him to, to help us succeed. He is not smug when we're having a bad day-I think when we mess up, He is full of sorrow. Of sympathetic (or empathetic?) sorrow: He knows we're causing ourselves and our children unhappiness when we act selfishly, and He doesn't want either.

I don't know if this makes any sense, but I wanted to share it in case anyone else might need this reminder. Even if it's just me, at a later date. Sometimes the best way to motivate change is through chastising, but sometimes a gentler approach is needed and it was for me yesterday. And I got it. What a tender mercy.

Besides this...I haven't been sharing much about it, but our life is kind of crazy right now. A friend posted on her blog the other day the title "Up in the air" and said, first line "Our life is up in the air again right now." This pretty much sums things up for us again, too. We won't be staying in California after March, we now know, but we also won't be staying with this company. It's a long story...and I shouldn't share it until we've let Sam's boss know and why, but we just don't feel like the pros are outweighing the cons of the company. And we're not being high-maintenance, I swear! It's not enough financially to live on, otherwise we might reconsider. But for the amount of work Sam is doing and the outcomes and the pay...as I said, I should just leave it at that for now. But anyway, right now our plan is to stay here until March, since at the end of March is when we'll need to move out, and then we'll be moving into Sam's parent's basement for a while while we, you know, re-evaluate. Neither of us ever wanted to have to live with our parents, but sometimes you have to swallow your pride. You'd think I'd be used to the taste by now but it's still rotten.

Anyway. The funniest part about it, to me, is that we both felt so strongly that we were supposed to be down here in California, and now we don't know why. I have a few theories-a brother of mine pursued a career that after he was in it, discovered he hated it, and  when he lost his job it ended up being a blessing I think because that just sped up the pursuing-something-else process. I think it might be like that: things with the company are actually worse than they were in Utah down here in California, so maybe Sam needed to experience that to finally push him into leaving. And I bet this will end up being a blessing for us in the long run. It's just getting to that long run that isn't so clear.

So! Our life is up in the air again. Bah. Just please don't blame Sam-he's doing everything he can for our family, and sacrifices so much for our benefit every single day. Some people just have better luck than others-one of my brothers was lucky  enough to have a huge interest of his, also be a field that pays really well and there are a lot of jobs in even with only a bachelor's degree. We, however, have not been one of those families. But that's all right-I've never worried about Sam, because he's a hard worker and does everything one is supposed to do really to be able to provide: does a good job at work, acts selflessly, spends frugally, etc. I know we'll get it figured out, I just hope against hope Sam doesn't have to stay in jobs he hates for the rest of his life.

If you're still reading you get a gold star. :) I miss most everyone who would ever read this thing; it's difficult to be so far from so many people I love. But we're trying to just enjoy our time left in California for now, and consider our possibilities. Graduate school is almost definitely in our future, but we don't want to pursue it until we've made up our minds about a certain degree/career. So! that's it. Ta-ta all. Cross your fingers for us.

Want to know the story of Sam's job?

I'm really tired and I shouldn't be typing in here, seriously now I have homework to do...but I just wrote a letter to Dave about the biggest change in our lives right now and realized I've put very little about our actual lives on here for a while. So! Here's what I sent to him, a la copy+paste. And a wee bit of deleting. Ta Da! This isn't very well written but it was also written to my little brother, so I feel less like I need to write correctly and more comfortable writing...conversationally? Lazy? Take your pick.

So it was like, incredible how Sam found a job after graduation. His friend saw an ad for a management position in a landscaping company that's based in California but has grown a lot so has business in Utah now too, and they were looking for someone who spoke Spanish. Interestingly, his friend really felt like this was for Sam. The Spirit must have told him! So anyway he forwarded it on to Sam, and Sam called the number listed on there. Turned out the woman in Sam's friend's ward who had listed it actually did for her brother, who is the CEO of the company. She just thought she'd plug it in the ward newsletter because she knew her brother was looking for someone to do it: the job hadn't been listed anywhere else. 

So anyway she gives Sam her brother's number, and his name is Ralph. Probably one of the nicest guys I'll ever meet, and REALLY has the gift of gab. So Sam had never talked to him before and was only talking to him on the phone, and Ralph did most of the talking anyway, but the guy liked Sam. And the neatest part about this company (to me) is that the guy is LDS, and pretty much everyone who works there is LDS. He uses that to get business: it's called Deseret Landscape for that reason. They do the landscaping for a couple temples down in California, actually. And just good LDS people can associate the business with LDS standards and want to hire them. So anyway I really feel like he was just listening to the Spirit, but he told Sam that he was going to hold the job for him for now, and they'd meet in person that weekend when Ralph was up here in Utah (since he lives in Southern Cali). And he was even like "Bring your wife along, I want her to feel comfortable with this whole thing too." Amazing guy! 

So we went to this house that Ralph's in-laws own, but don't live in, in Provo (where Ralph and his family stay when they're here in Utah). And we got to meet him and his wife and the kids still living at home, and then Ralph and Sam kind of went off and did an interview and he hired Sam. Woo hoo! It's not perfect-we're still not quite what you'd call financially stable, mainly because it doesn't have any benefits and is only 25 hours a week. But it's been a wonderful opportunity for Sam nonetheless, and it really has felt like this is exactly where he's supposed to be right now. 

So Sam's actual job has not been a labor job, which he's been very grateful for. Instead it's been basically a step above that: he talks to the people in charge at all the businesses and figures out what they want, then makes sure the laborers do that. Basically. 

But anyway we weren't sure what we were going to do this winter, because obviously there isn't landscaping to be done in Utah in the winter. Nothing's growing! So I kept feeling like a move was coming, but I didn't know where. I thought either there was a chance we'd be moving down to California (though we hadn't talked about it with his boss at all), or Sam would be finding a different job and we'd be moving to some other state, or something. We even checked out some other places we could live here, but it just didn't feel right to me. I thought we'd be leaving. 

Turns out that feeling was correct: the guy who does the same job as Sam but down in California, they had to fire because he turned out to be kind of a crazy man. So they suggested Sam could do his job for the winter, but the cost of living down there is so expensive it didn't seem plausible for us to do it. But then the CFO of the company (the financial guru) is just as amazing as the CEO, and even though she's never met us in person she's been so impressed with Sam in their phone calls and business interactions (partly because she had the crazy guy who was not very nice to her to compare Sam to) that she decided she is going to offer us one of her houses to live in for the winter, for really cheap! Serious. It's insane. She's a very wealthy, very generous woman who owns properties all over the place, but this is still really really extreme and kind of her. But she's LDS too, and she really felt like this is what she's supposed to do right now. So who knows why, but it seems we were meant to move down to Orange County, California for the winter! I'm pumped. :) 

That's the biggest news: we'll be driving down that way this weekend, and other than coming back for Christmas will stay until March. There's the potential for us to stay there longer, for Sam to just keep that job after the winter instead of going back to doing the work here in Utah, but only if he were to get a raise since we can only live in her place for that long and otherwise couldn't afford it. Anyway. Crazy. 

So other than that, I'm just scrambling to try to finish up the semester (since I'm still in school, remember) and get ready to move down. Next semester I'll take all Independent Study courses. Right now I'm taking Survey of World Religions and Intro to Social Psychology just as normal, on-campus classes, but my Independent Study course is an English course that's kicking my butt. I've gotta really push to be able to pass this one, because I have to be done with everything and have it all turned in by December 14th or I automatically fail. Even if I completed 14/15 assignments and the last one's only worth 8% of the grade, automatic fail. Bah. 

Farewell, HBLL

Today is Sam's last day working at the Harold B. Lee Library on BYU campus.

Woo hoo!!

The HBLL was a big blessing for us. My mom got Sam an interview because she used to kind of be friends with one of his bosses, but they interviewed a ton of applicants and he was the one who got the job. This was almost two years ago now: he started Summer Term, 2010. He would tell me almost every day how out of place he felt working there: he's had so many labor jobs, like working construction, installing gutters, working on a chicken farm, landscaping the BYU-Idaho gardens, etc. He felt very out of place sitting at a desk, in a quiet library. Or shelving books. Still, just goes to show: my Sam is well-rounded.

The job REALLY was a blessing after we had Jori, though. As I said just barely in my last post, Sam has not had much free time the past two semesters. But his department allowed their employees to work on homework when they're at the desk and they aren't helping anyone, as long as it was all on a computer (they couldn't be reading textbooks). This provided the main time for Sam to get his homework done, because there's a lot of down time most of the semester just sitting at those desks.

Still, he's been ready for something different for a while now: he gets a headache almost every day from sitting still inside for so long in the library. That's just Sam-he needs to get outdoors or he goes insane. So we're both excited for him to be moving on from this.

So if you really feel like it, stop by between 2 and 5 at the library commons or periodicals desk (I don't know when he'll be where), and give him a cupcake or something! Job well done, amigo.