Valentine's madness at Smith's! And drug dealing

I wanted to make a post primarily about Valentine's day, but I can't resist before getting to our fun events of the day mentioning the madness that was the Smith's grocery store at 6:10 pm this evening.

Holy tomatoes!

I have NEVER seen a grocery store so crowded. It felt like trying to find parking on campus (BYU or BYU-Idaho really), but worse because not only was every spot taken, people were everywhere. Prancing around busy in their own little lives, cutting off the cars. And the cars cutting off the cars. Including mine, eventually-I was stuck for so long! Oops.

But this was perfectly logical when I went inside, and seriously my whole time in Smith's I could not stop giggling. Out loud. Alone.

It was insanity!

Men were literally everywhere. Right when you first go into the Smith's on Freedom Blvd in Provo, there's this area where normally there are all these bins with discount items. But instead, there was this HUGE square area set up with lady workers in the middle, frantically cutting off and arranging flowers for men of all shapes and sizes. There were pre-made bouquets too, and chocolates and other Valentine's-related merchandise ready to be grabbed.

The further I went into the store, the harder I laughed. Old men! Young men! Polynesian men! Mexican men! Causasian! All there for one purpose: to buy gifts for their Valentines.

It was hilarious. Wish you could have been there. I should have taken pictures! Next year.

So the drug dealing part...

as one of our activities for Valentine's day, Sam and I ended up at a park in Provo with frisbees. We were passing it around right in front of where we'd parked, and first this one guy drives up and parks and then another. It was kind of weird to me-one in particular looked rather scruffy, the other just a normal Joe. But I was curious why they were meeting up at an almost unpopulated park in the middle of the day on a Monday. When it's kind of rainy.

So the scruffier looking guy first went around to the drivers side of the other car, like he was just going to talk to him through the window. We're glancing at them the whole time: we're right in front of them, seriously.

Then that guy goes around to the passenger side instead and opens up the door, like he's going to get in.

Then finally the other guy actually gets out of the car, and they wander off together with cigarettes in their mouths.

Right before they wandered off, the scruffier looking one (who we hadn't heard the whole time) says loudly "I gotta meet here or I'll get in trouble with the Mrs! She gets mad when she smells [cigarette] smoke on me! Gotta come to a park!"

Ok. What? Nuh-uh.

So you can make fun of me if you want, but I seriously doubt they were only there to smoke cigarettes together. I think he just said that cause he knew we were right there listening. And I don't think they would have wandered off together if it weren't for the fact that we were right there, clearly in view of whatever they would have done in the second guy's car or exchanged out of it.

About 15 minutes later they came back, got in their separate cars and took off.

So anyway. I wish I'd gotten their license plate numbers!!! Because the whole thing seemed so sketchy to me. I did call it in an hour later, but they were just mad that I didn't call right away and get the license plate numbers. ARg.

Anyway. Made for a fairly exciting turn of events on Valentine's day, eh?

a few pics

Well hello again!

It's been almost a month now since I last posted, so I thought I should give a brief update of the happenings in our lives in January. With some pictures. :)

1-I used the little crock pot we got at our wedding (over a year ago) for the first time!! I made this thing called...Chicken enchilada...something. Anyway we had it with chips and a "Mexican cheese," and it was pretty good. (I'd say really good but my stomach or the baby was being picky that day and didn't like the enchilada sauce. Lame.)

Evidence:

Second, I started flipping out (unnecessarily) about how much the baby was going to cost, including preparations for the baby. The most immediate seemed to be maternity clothes. Now I used to really love shopping and probably still do, but clothing is so expensive!!! I could buy so many treats with what it costs to buy a dress!

So. I got on ksl.com, and looked in the maternity wear section and low and behold, a petite lady like myself was selling these TEN items for 50 bucks. 50! That's 5 bucks a piece! Steal of a deal. :) I'm rather proud of my find.
Next, Sam had been looking on KSL since August for an entertainment center. Our good friends James and Jenna were nice enough to give us their old TV, but we didn't have anything really to put it on other than this honking...I still am not sure what it is, actually. Table cabinet thing. So Sam had been on KSL for ever, keeping an eye out...and found this!
A really nice, cherry wood entertainment center that our TV would fit in perfectly for...well. Super cheap-I'll keep it at that.


Joy! :)

Those are our main spending stories: besides those, we've been busy enough. Sam's taking 6 credits (that's a half-time student) and working right now, and he also goes snowboarding every chance he gets. These are some pictures of Sundance he took for me, where he has a pass. Beautiful.

I really don't have that much to report, other than I think I may be done with school for a while when the baby comes. Some amazing ladies are able to go to school as well as having babies to take care of, but I'm so tired of it anyway...I think a break will be quite welcome. That might help me figure out what it is I'd like to do career-wise, anyway. But we'll see-I change my mind pretty easily.

I've been working for the Provo School District still, but not as supervisor any longer and have LOVED the change. I still get to watch and play with the kids, but without quite as much stress. I don't feel like the responsibility of discipline lies solely on my shoulders anymore, so that has been really nice.

Still, because that's only 8-9 hours each week my mom has been very generous and has let me come and work for her doing cleaning and organizing in my parents' home. I sure do love to organize, so I was only too happy when she offered.

All of us kids and our spouses also gave my mom the gift for her birthday of some money for photo albums, and our time to help her fill the albums with all the photos that were in boxes. I reminded my mom of this gift in late December, so she went out and bought a ton of albums and I've spent a good deal of time filling those, too. I've filled up 9 1/2 of the ten, with lots more photos still left but it still feels good to have done this much so far.

Changing the subject completely: I got a double-yoker for the first time ever a week ago! So I took a picture so I could prove it:

Look! It's the two that are much smaller and connected than the other. Awesome!! :)

And that picture I took today, evidence of my growing mid-section. I hadn't realized how much it's grown in the past five weeks until I looked at the pictures I took from before-sheesh! I'm kind of dreading stretch marks, but perhaps they're inevitable. Ah well-it's all worth it!

Oh! Duh! I should have said this earlier: February 25th we'll have the second ultrasound, and probably find out if it's a boy or a girl. I say probably because I'm not sure if I want to know or not, but I'm pretty sure I'll break down and have to know when we're actually in that room and my belly's all gelled up.

Oh, and last night I had some old friends over for a 'girls night' while my husband went skiing with a couple buds. (He skiied for the first time Monday, and the second time yesterday and loved it!) I'm so grateful for good friends-they certainly bring light to my life.

That's it for now. Toodles -Ariel Hatch

Questions on service...loooonnnggg post

What’s really reasonable?

Just curious. It seems like life is all about finding this out, to me. We are supposed to love one another, but we’re not supposed to be naïve and trust everyone. We’re supposed to not judge, but we’re supposed to have righteous judgment. We’re supposed to be our best selves-but is that ever a set thing? Isn’t it always changing? And we’re supposed to serve. Like crazy. Right? But this seems impossible.

I had a discussion a while ago with a friend who doesn’t believe in the same things I do, almost about…the point of life. In an indirect way. Perhaps OUR point in life. Their basic idea was that there’s nothing wrong with having your best interests at heart. This doesn’t sound so bad…

…but it just kind of doesn’t fit to me. It’s like when somebody’s just said something you know isn’t true, you just can’t remember why. Kind of like that.

I told them I feel like the ultimate point for us is to lose ourselves in service to others. But as someone who used to be Mormon and isn’t anymore, they didn’t seem to really accept or respect this answer.

Maybe they’re partly right. Because I preach that that’s what I think is most important, and that the only way to be truly happy is in service to others. Is in living FOR others. But do I do that? No. I have my list of excuses: I’m shy, I’m sensitive, I feel more comfortable keeping to myself than going out and searching for things I can do for others. I feel like I’d feel stupid doing that-even at 21, I’m still no good at making friends. (Don’t worry, I’m friendLY, I just consider actual friends hard to come by.)

So I’m selfish. Most of the things I do in the day, I do for me. I get on facebook because it’s entertaining. I eat because I’m hungry or because something looks tasty. I went to school because I had to. Same with getting dressed/ready for the day. Where is the service in that?

CAN you even serve, if you’re shy? I’m not shy the way I once was-but lots of people still intimidate me, I still prefer not to try to hold a conversation with them. This is such a discouraging thought: unless you’re outgoing, you can’t serve. But it does seem a lot harder to me, from an introvert’s perspective.

I had a Psychology class called ‘Personality,’ and a teacher I really loved. He was probably one of my favorite teachers in my whole college career (so far). He was so good at challenging the normal way of thinking, even the normal teacher’s perspective. He made us question everything. One thing I really liked was when he pointed out things that were very American, a very American, western thing. (He grew up in America but had lived and traveled all over before deciding to teach at BYU-Idaho, of all places.)

One thing that he pointed out was very American was the constant push about satisfying ourselves. It’s all about the individual. And it’s all about being comfortable as things are, instead of trying to change for the better. This rang true to me: when, as a teenager, a friend would tell me something negative about themselves, my automatic response was to disagree. Was this true? Not always-sometimes, they were actually right with what they were criticizing. But did I encourage them to fix the behavior that needed fixing? No. Better to ignore the evidence and give temporary justification, right? Hm.

It seemed so true to me that Americans are all about satisfying the self. Everything seems to be working toward this: there are advertisements saying things like ‘Because you’re worth it’ or ‘Go ahead, indulge’ or whatever the case may be. There are self-help books all over the place, all about making you feel good about yourself.

But aren’t we missing a blaring, obvious truth in all this searching for the ‘best life’? If all we’re doing is focusing on what we’re unhappy about in our lives, and what we want to fix to make ourselves better…it’s still all about us. Even any service we do, with encouragement from those ‘self-help’ books, is done with the wrong motives. It’s done for us. For what it will do for us.

I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all.

My psychology teacher talked about how when he lived with bushmen in Africa, how their society was so completely different. They still had natural man tendencies I’m sure-they still thought of themselves. But they ignored it: their society flourished on the contribution of every member, for every member. Does that make sense? So an elderly widow never had to worry about if she’d have enough to eat-she was a member of their society, and so she was fed. Of course. Naturally.

This is beautiful. This feels more right.

I wish I could be this way. Throw out what people say about what I ‘deserve’: lots of people don’t get what they deserve, and lots of people don’t deserve what they get. I don’t want to even care. I want to make a difference in others’ lives, not because of how it will make me feel but because it’s right. And because they may need it.

I guess I just worry: is this reasonable? I hope so. I live so much for myself, that I think my soul is sick of it. Just as our souls need spiritual nourishment from doing things like reading scriptures, saying prayers, going to church, perhaps they need nourishment from serving. Faith without works is dead, after all (James 2:20).

The best way I can mesh this ideal with reality is kind of the psychologist Alfred Adler’s idea. The best life we can live is one devoted to others, and yet we do take care of our own needs. But we don’t take care of our needs just because ‘We’ve earned it;’ we take care of them so that we can serve better.

Example: A mother of six children probably has very little time to herself or for herself, all day long. So let’s say her husband, when he gets home from work, takes over with the cooking and watching the children, and she takes a bath and reads a book for an hour. Every day.

Does she do this just because she deserves it? With this idea, no: she does it because she’ll go insane if she doesn’t take a break. Will she be a good mom as an insane person? Will she make her children as happy if she’s just resenting their presence by the end of the day? How about her husband: will she be able to give him what he needs in the relationship, if all she’s been doing is giving all day? No. So she takes care of that need of hers, and then when it’s done she’s refreshed and ready to fulfill her duties better than she could have before.

See?

That’s what I want. That’s what seems ideal…with just a little thing nagging at me.

I don’t think people are selfish who work hard and ‘take breaks,’ really just for themselves. I don’t look down my nose at those who like to go out to eat, who pursue hobbies because they enjoy them. Indeed, aren’t we encouraged to develop our talents? …but then again we’re supposed to consecrate of our time and talents in the service of God, anyway…What about vacations? I don’t think or feel vacations are wrong or bad, and indeed church leaders have encouraged families to take vacations together to make memories.

THIS is it. THIS is where it doesn’t mesh, and I’m still trying to figure out how to make it mesh better. I don’t like having a ‘church’ idea and a ‘real world’ idea, separate. Because if what we learn in church isn’t applicable to our lives, it’d be pointless.

Maybe…hm. Maybe the point isn’t necessarily for us to be serving every minute of the day. That isn’t even possible for a lot of us (students, for example). Maybe the point is that opportunities WILL be presented to us, and when they are we need to take advantage of them. And if we don’t see opportunities, we should go find them. But we don’t need to every moment of the day, or even until we collapse. And I’m not sure how to tell if we’ve searched enough, but maybe that’s kind of the same as the question “Have you done your best?” Sometimes it’s hard to tell, but I’ve heard if you don’t know just think how much effort you put into it, or how much time you spent on it. If nothing else, this is a way to measure effort. Time spent.

Does that make sense? I hope so. I guess I’ve just given this a lot of thought, lately: how should I be spending my days? Since time is precious.

CONfession

Happy New Year!

It’s been quite some time since I last updated this lovely little blog, and for good reason. You see…I’m prego!!! I wanted to wait to be able to tell all about it, and now that I’m 13 weeks along (and few if any people actually read this thing) it’s probably safe to write about.

We found out three days before Sam’s birthday (which is November 8th). We’d gone ‘all natural’ in October, and decided we’d just see what would happen. I keep telling people I feel very strongly Heavenly Father knows exactly what he’s doing when it comes to choosing when to send kids-I really feel like that applies to us. For a number of reasons, but one being because we had fears and doubts and who knows, I might have chickened out and gone back on birth control in November. But that door has closed! Too late now! J

It was actually really early in the morning, but I felt restless because my period hadn’t come when it was supposed to and I kept wondering, “Could it be? I know it’s unlikely…but could it be?” Finally I could take it no longer, hopped out of bed and took a test in the bathroom (we’d had a scare in May and I still had an extra one from then). I can’t tell you how anxious I felt-I was excited and nervous and trying so hard to tell myself not to be disappointed when it would say I wasn’t pregnant…and then that second line appeared within 20 seconds. Two lines! Positive! Pregnant!!! I grabbed Sam’s hand, yanked him out of bed with my only explanation being “honey! Come look! Come look, you have to see this!” And danced, squealed, giggled, and hugged my sweetheart for half an hour straight. And so the journey began. We decided we would keep it to ourselves for a while, because I’d had so many friends have miscarriages at different times in the year and didn’t want to announce it to everyone only to have that happen.

The next day we headed up to Idaho, so Sam could have a nice horseback ride for his birthday with his dad and brother. It’s a tradition for him to have at least one good one in the fall. I insisted he take the camera along…but I’d forgotten I’d taken all these pics of the positive pregnancy test, and when his brother asked to look through the pictures Sam had taken of their ride…surprise!

We only made it ONE day until someone found out! Wow. J

I just laughed and laughed, but that made us decide to tell our parents and swear Jotham to secrecy.

Since then I’ve been pretty sick…it hasn’t been an easy pregnancy, to be sure. For some horrible reason, I’d wake up and feel fine, but feel sick right when we needed to leave for school. Maybe it had to do with how long I’d been awake or something…I didn’t think it was a clever joke on fate’s part. Other than that initial feeling sick in the morning, which I just had to barrel through, I’d usually get the most sick around 5-6 at night. And REALLY need a nap at about 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I can tell you honestly though, that although I really hate the feeling of throwing up, I was always relieved when I actually would because I felt better those days. But that only happened once or twice a week-the rest of the days I just had to deal with it.

It was a treat finally getting to tell our siblings-we told mine (other than Dan and Britany, who we told earlier when they were visiting) on Christmas day, and Sam’s on the day of the Hatch family party (the 28th). I gave Sam some baby clothes which he opened in front of my family, and Loalee (my mother-in-law) gave me some pacifiers which I also opened in front of everyone. Fun times. J That makes 4 babies on the Hatch side that will be arriving in 2011, and 3 on the Christensen side! And I wouldn’t be surprised if that number gets bumped up to 4, too!

We got to hear the heartbeat for the first time on December…7th? Or 9th or something, and to see it. That was crazy-I couldn’t stop giggling, I was just so excited and thought it was so surreal. I don’t think the woman conducting the ultrasound appreciated my tummy rising and falling with laughter-didn’t make her job any easier. But she was a good sport. Sam said “Look honey, you’re growing a…blob” since neither of us had any idea what it was we were seeing until the specialist put little plus signs on the screen showing where the baby started and stopped. But when we spotted it, that was really special.

I also felt it move for the first time about two weeks ago, when I was about 12 weeks along. That’s really early, if you don’t know, but we were at a BYU basketball game and it can hear by now. So I think it just flipped out with all the noise. THAT was even more crazy-I was reading Harry Potter at halftime, and I felt this little poke on the inside. I stopped what I was doing abruptly and stared at my belly. I put my hand on it, and about ten minutes later sure enough I felt another little poke, on the inside and out! It was not painful, it was just like… “Mom! Where are we?! I hate this place! Get me outta here right now!!!” That’s what I think anyway. J Sam didn’t get to feel it but he will soon, I’m sure.

I guess there’s only one other side to the story that I’m not sure all mommies-to-be experience, but I doubt many in mormon culture talk about. I mean the side of me that isn’t even sure if I want to be a mom yet. I knew it was there but felt kind of ashamed of it, until two stories from sisters in law (one on each side). The first was her telling of her mom, when her mom’s youngest (so my sister in law’s youngest sibling) was in the oven. She hadn’t been planning on this baby, and she didn’t want it for a long time. It took the length of the entire pregnancy for her to be able to be excited about its arrival. But when it came, she was.

The second story was of my sister in law herself, told by her husband. He talked about how when they decided to ‘see what happened’ and go off birth control, neither of them expected to get pregnant for quite some time. So when they found out they were immediately, it was pretty overwhelming. They were also poor students, and had fears of how they were going to get by as well. And she…she just wasn’t even ready for it yet. She wanted to be a mom, but the idea was still…so overwhelming. So intense. It took her some time to get beyond that, to be totally fine with what was coming and put not only her fears but…I don’t know, desires? Of not being ready for this step, behind her.

Truth be told, and I won’t confess this often but I figured might as well be honest, I do feel that way right now. I’m really excited, and this is really amazing, but I also can’t believe this is happening in kind of a terrified way. I don’t feel ready and kind of want to postpone the inevitable. Which makes me feel pretty guilty, too-I know this is an incredible gift, and I have some people very close to me who have been trying for much longer than Sam and I did to be able to start their families and haven’t been able to.

But I’m scared of this step-as far as I can tell it’s the second biggest one I’ll ever take, next to getting married in the temple. I’m scared of what it could mean for Sam and my relationship-I know it’ll have to change in a lot of ways, and selfishly I don’t want to have to give up a lot of what I have with him right now as things are.
Does that make me a bad Mormon? …that kind of makes me smile. I hope it does, for scandal’s sake. How silly. Life will come, the baby will come, and though I’m both really excited and really terrified right now…everything will be ok.

Fun times :)

So I didn't write for a long time, mainly due to a post I'll do next. I chose to write on another site, at onetwocheck.weebly.com , for a while, but for now I've decided to switch back. Surprise!...

Since I last wrote:

we celebrated Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas

we took two trips up to Franklin

Sam turned 24

the semester ended (Hallelujuah!)

and I got my Associate's degree. Woo hoo!

I'm sure lots of other things happened too, but I'll just stick with these.

Halloween was fun-we dressed up as Popeye and Olive Oyl (his woman) for a ward party, and just watched a movie the day before. We got invited to other things but I had a deadline for an online class so most of the day was spent doing homework.

Franklin

was fun, as it always is. When we went up right before Sam's birthday, he went for a horseback ride with his brother Jotham

and dad, and I just hung around the house and played with Mosey. (That's Sam's dog-she's old, and a real sweetheart.)

I can't really remember what else we did...we went to church, played games, and

visited James and Jenna, but everything else is a blur. Still, it was enjoyable. :) Oh! They took me to a dairy farm! Fun stuff.

Sam's birthday was actually a pretty normal day for the most part, he having to work and go to school. But at night we celebrated with my family at an Indian restaurant Sam and I have taken a liking to here in Provo, called India Palace or something. I always forget the name. I gave him one thing that's a secret, and two seasons of the Cosby show on DVD since he loves it.

Thanksgiving we spent with the Hatches this year, with all in attendance except Sam's sister Jessiann and her family (who live in California). G

ood eatin, good company, good times. I felt sick the whole weekend but I didn't tell anyone cause I didn't want them to know. We also went and chopped down our very own Christmas tree, which was way cool! It snowed a lot and was freezing so I didn't actually go up and choose it, but I went up part way (where all the kids and women waited) and just read a book and played with the kids till Sam came back. It was pretty fun having our very own little Christmas tree to decorate, let me tell ya.

The semester ended with grades...well, I passed all except one class. But the one that was most important, my horrid Statistics class, I got a B in! A B!!! So that was my last class I needed to take at BYU-Idaho, and I have my Associate's now. :D SO HAPPY!!!!!

I have a lot of different thoughts about school, but basically for now I've decided...I need to lay off a bit. I hate school, I hate studying and tests and TEXTBOOKS! And learning shouldn't be that way-an agony. So hopefully with this new decision, I'll be able to learn more and actually have it last longer, with not having to worry about a deadline coming up. It makes me feel relieved even thinking about it: school started again today, and I'll only be ta

king one class this semester (a cooking class). It felt like a breath of fresh air!

Christmas time! Christmas was really great. My brother Dan and his wife Britany came and spent two weeks in Provo from...I don't remember what day, until the 17th. We really enjoyed their company-we, along with the rest of the family except Nate and his clan, played games, went to a Carl Bloch exhibit, ate out, played on the wii and generally enjoyed one another's company. We had a fun quadruple date the last night they were here, and they were nice enough to move it up in the evening so Sam could join in (he had to work that night).

The boys had a field goal-kicking contest, and I took pictures. We talked lots, ate lots and laughed lots. I'm so glad they could come-I really love my family.

The next week, Sam and I just had fun not worrying much about anything. We watched movies, went Christmas shopping, tried to go sledding, etc. Nate's group arrived on the 23rd, and we spent good time with them. I'm so surprised how different my nephews Jared and Zachary are! Zach (who will be 3 in April) is now talking like crazy, and Jare

d is crawling. Nate just finished up with a job he hates, so I was so happy to get to see them on the brink of a new adventure: he's about to start at a Police Academy in Denver.

Christmas Eve we had the traditional reading of the Christmas story and singing hymns throughout, and then eggnog and pjs. Christmas morning we all opened presents, and I shared some news. :) Ike, Sarah and co arrived around...eleven? I can't remember, and we enjoyed their company too with games, playing in the snow and a trip to the stake center to play in the gym. Woo hoo!

After two more days of fun with the Christensens, we headed up to Idaho to spend time with the Hatches. We saw a little boy out front playing in the snow when we drove up, and couldn't figure out who it was. Surprise! It was Jeremiah, one of our nephews from California! Jessiann and co surprised us all with a visit-we thought they were going to stay in California for the holidays, so it was wonderful to see them. It was really neat to have everyone there, and get to enjoy one another.

While there, we played games, ate good food, played with the many grandkids, and celebrated our anniversary. Sam and I were treated to dinner by all the other adults (the grandkids babysat each other) and then we went to the temple for a session, all together. That was really something special-Darren, Loalee, all their children and all their spouses in the celestial room together. Sam and I are truly blessed to have families with the same standards and beliefs we have.

Sam got really sick Thursday night, so we didn't enjoy New Year's Eve as much as perhaps we would have otherwise. But we had a yummy dinner, watched a fun movie, and just talked with Sam's parents (at that point, all others had departed). His sickness delayed our return home until Sunday afternoon, but we are once again home in our little apartment in Provo now, safe and sound.

I think that's a pretty good update of events. Sorry if it's dull-I don't have room to put all my thoughts about all these things, too! Next time. :)

October 19, 2010

Thoughts on faith10/19/2010

1 Comment(s)

I talked with a cousin I haven’t talked with in a long time tonight. It was really nice, and also uncomfortable and frustrating and saddening. If you read this, cousin, I love you and hope you don’t now think I’m judgmental and self-righteous. I wasn’t trying to be.

This cousin grew up only half an hour away, but I never really knew him very well. He’s about 6 years older than myself, and our families only really met up once a year. He’s not active in the LDS church currently, and hasn’t been for almost 3 years.

It’s so hard for me to display what I think without sounding self-righteous. This is so frustrating! I don’t know how to say “this is what I think” without them interpreting it as “this is what you should think, you big moron.” That’s not what I mean at all.

It’s hard too, because my ideal for human behavior I am not at all good at showing. I’m weak-willed. So my opinion sounds worth about a pinch of salt, thinking of it that way. I can’t blame him for thinking this-I experience a similar opinion sometimes, when someone is being what I feel is forceful with their LDS views but then they don’t practice it at all. Lame. I hate that. Both hypocrisy and that by not living what I say I believe perfectly, I seem to exemplify it.

He was a good sport-I asked him a lot of questions. I could see how that could be hard for someone-maybe they’d feel like they were being attacked. That’s not what I was trying to do-destroy their basis of belief or something. He just believes something I don’t understand at all-doesn’t it make sense to ask questions when your understanding is at a big 0?

I just feel so sad now. So sorry for him. The way I understand it, he’s never felt comfortable with faith, so doesn’t really believe in any religion. He likes things that are quantifiable. But he feels his life is without purpose currently: he doesn’t feel peace with his lack of belief, either. How empty and lonely that must feel.

You know, almost two years ago I said something similar to what I’m about to say and I lost a friend for it, but really…that’s fine. That’s life. In this case, when I’m going to post access to an experience with someone who had lost their faith and how it made me more sure of my own faith…I think its ok. I don’t think my cousin will mind. I don’t think he’s hiding anything I’ve said here. And, as I said, hopefully he knows I love him. I’m not looking down on his ‘lostness’ with scorn and contempt, proudly dusting off my high throne of beliefs.

I’m glad to find, in the midst of the sorrow at his lacking in life, that my own faith is still sound. It is not shaken. It’s always comforting to feel strongly about something that others sometimes have contempt for, and when it’s tested it not fold under the pressure.

Because even with this, even with what he said I still can say I know God lives. I have no quantifiable evidence for this. Just my heart, and the Spirit. I know the Holy Ghost exists, and it’s not something I made up. I wish there was a way I could explain this that could satisfy the need for evidence that so many people have, but I have none. This can quite easily make people discredit my opinion, but…for those who might possibly read this who are not of my faith, who do not respect LDS people or anyone who believes in God…sorry.

I know Jesus Christ died for us. I know horrible, horrible things happen on this earth that seem far too evil to co-exist with a loving God, but even with these I know He lives. I know He loves all of His children. I know we will be held accountable for all that we do in this life, and that those who commit those horrible, heinous crimes will have to answer to God for them. I know we are challenged, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. And I don’t know but I feel that we are mainly not here for ourselves-we’re here to do things for others, and in the process our own needs will be satisfied. But I do not believe the fact that in the process our own needs are satisfied, is why we do things for others. Or at least, it shouldn’t be why. We’re capable of doing good just because it’s good, not because it also makes us feel good.

Just as I will try hard to respect others opinions, I hope mine can be. It shouldn’t even matter! Unfortunately, I really don’t like it when my opinion is not respected. Stupid pride.

October 15, 2010

woo hoo!10/15/2010

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So exciting: I got a 99 on my last math test. 99%! Whoa nelly!!! It's cause I got a 95, but they let you turn in homework for an extra 4 percentage points. I was even more proud of myself after finding out most of the kids in the class not only failed it, but failed miserably. Like 35%. I don't really get that, though: they have online tests over the same material for past semesters. I just made sure I could do those and I was golden. That's not that hard, is it?

Other than this random awesome math test...we're in the middle of mid-terms. Which seems kinda early to me, but it's all good. I had a 2400-word paper to write on the Bushmen in Africa for my Anthropology class, and a terrifying test for my History of Psychology class. It was over 7 chapters! oi! And in History of Psych, the entire grade is dependent on 3 tests-the first two during the semester and the final.

But all is turning out so much better than I expected! I still don't know if I passed the Psych test-it was an essay test-but I got the paper written really fast, it felt like! I was really happy. :)

In other news...have I ever mentioned how I burn almost anything I cook in the oven? Its true. It's a good thing we took the batteries out of the smoke detector. Lately I've burned banana bread, cookies, bacon (that was stove), and...I forgot the other one. I guess that's another reason it's good Sammy's a good cook! -Oh yeah. I didn't burn, but I don't know how to make good noodles. I know it seems ridiculous-you just put them in water, how hard can it be?-but any time we make pasta (which isn't often-I'm a rice woman) I ruin it. Moral of the story: don't ask Ariel to make spaghetti, or bake pretty much anything.