My kids: Jori

I love them. Fo realz.

Jori:
loves barbies, she chose four the last time I was with the kids at D.I. and she's so happy.

This is after we gave them perma-swimsuits, with nail polish. 

She's still all about everything fancy.

She is such a ray of sunshine, honestly. She's always saying positive, makes you stop for a second comments like "Willow's smiles just brighten up my day!" or "We are so lucky we have so many things!" She's still really enthusiastic, and will say excitedly "This is going to be so much fun!" with little provocation.

Like the other day at my parents, when her cousins were jumping on the bed in the next room and she was about to join them. 

 She's very bright, and has been learning sight words. She has a truly fantastic memory: she'll tell us stories about something that happened one time, a year ago, frequently. She told me about a dead mouse that was in the firepit up at the cabin a week or two ago, but that was clear back last summer. Things like that happen regularly.

 (Can you figure out what's happening, here? I just love this. The bucket is scooched over, box of donuts on the ground, cut marks on box, but only until it was discovered it could just be taken off, and play dough knife obviously was in the process of slicing off a chunk of that maple bar before daddy called her upstairs again for stories.)

  She likes things to be accurate and correct, and trusts me implicitly to teach her these things. (Even to the point sometimes of discrediting comments from daddy, if she feels they're not what I have said.) It's kind of a...heavy privilege, I'd call it. I try to lead her well, not wanting to give her any reason to distrust me. (Except that one time where I told her the chocolate I was eating was poison, 'cause I didn't want to share.)

  She's quite artistic, she loves creating these cute/funny little brown paper bag puppets.

Usually princesses. She draws the face on the top part and body on the rest...they're great.

 She still loves her special blankie her Grandma Hatch made for her. She's losing the few speech flaws she has left, so those that remain I kind of cherish. (Rather than saying it 'other,' it's 'uh-ver', things like that.)

 She has a hard time paying attention, or focusing...I think she might have ADHD, just the inattentive classification. Same as I have.

 But Sam and I can't really get mad at her (shouldn't, anyway: we aren't perfect), because honestly, sometimes I'll ask her something six times and then finally lose my temper, but it'll really startle her because I think she genuinely wasn't taking it in the first six times. So she doesn't get why I'm mad, all of a sudden (to her).

She's very imaginative and can have a hard time not...kind of living in her own little fantasy land mentally, sometimes.

 She's still trying to learn give and take with conversation with kids her age, I think; she gets excited to tell them things, but sometimes doesn't really listen to them and just keeps telling what she wanted to say, regardless. Or won't hear what they said, cause she was in the 'fantasy land.' She also gets frustrated when kids don't acknowledge what she has said, though, which could be how they feel too...hopefully she'll get the hang of the give and take of conversing sooner, rather than later.

 
She's got a tender heart, my Jori. A real gentility. Just feels things a lot. Cries often, laughs often. I think I passed this on, too. She's good at trying to make things fair and good for all around her, most of the time.

Overall, she makes a great oldest. We sure love our Jori Pori.

Life and this world can, seriously, be terrible. But I still believe.

This was the last lesson I had for the girls. Young women. It was kind of a weird thing, but I ended up only getting to teach about half of it and then was released before I got to finish it. I had so many more thoughts, though, that I wanted to share about it in a blog post. (If you're curious about the lesson, look here for more.)

#8: The thing is...I feel like this lesson is the heart of not only the religion I belong to, but believing in God at all. 

Terrible, terrible, terrible things happen in this world. Things that keep me up at night. Horrors that make my heart just break, and ache, and break again. Things I never get used to. 

This is irrefutable. Everyone would agree with this.

But how we view these things, we do not all agree on. Do we choose to see those things and say "This is evidence that there is no God," or do we choose to see those things and say "This is terrible. But it's so terrible it can't be the end, this can't be it. There must be some justice, at some point. Things must be made right." ? For me, it is a choice between hope and despair. Do we hope for something better? Choose faith? Or say 'This is all there is,' and let grief overcome us? 

I choose faith. I choose hope. I choose to believe that "God is love," and that all that's good comes from Him. I choose to believe that although I will experience misery, if I can make myself a better person because of it, that is a success. That is worthwhile. 

I have to make the choice every time I learn of a new tragedy, or experience a new trial. But I do.

I love this gospel. I feel of God's love when I am feeling that despair creep up, a gentle warmth that tells me "I know. It's okay you're sad about this. Don't worry, I'm here. And I will, somehow, incredibly, impossibly, make everything okay someday."

I hope you do, too.

 #1: I don't want us to get hung up on where a trial comes from. Whether it's from our own choices, someone else's choices, from God Himself to teach us something or just a result of mortality, it is going to God that will bring us comfort and peace. And no matter what, there is something we can learn from it. I don't want us to resent God. (Easier said than done sometimes, admittedly.)

 #2: I know people say 'we will not be given more than we can handle.' But I think this is false. It might come from mis-interpreting 1 Nephi 3:7, which talks about having strength to follow commandments, and 1 Corinthians 10:13, which talk about having strength to resist temptation. It doesn't say anything about us not having harder trials than we can bear. 
It says here the following, which I really love (and encourage the full article to be read): When trials come, trust that the Lord’s help will come. This news is helpful to sufferers since we’re saying something true about God instead of something false about ourselves. [...] Suffering doesn’t ask if you’re ready. It may come slowly or with a vengeance, but it doesn’t ask permission, and it doesn’t care about convenience. There’s never a good time for your life to be wrecked. But the saying “God will never give you more than you can handle” tells me I have what it takes. It tells me I can bear whatever comes my way. It tells me God permits trials according to my ability to endure. Think about what this conventional wisdom does: it points people inward.

Yet the Bible points us Godward. ...

Here is another truly wonderful article on this very topic. This is my favorite in her article, "... in that one verse [Matthew 11:28-30] he simply states the reason why we are given more than we can handle: It’s so we can come to him. It’s so we can trust him enough to hand over our heavy, crippling burdens and let him carry the load."

#3:  “The test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us.”-Henry B. Eyring

Now this is an opinion of mine, and not doctrine, so take it as you will. But I don't think we can choose our feelings. I do, however, think we can choose what leads up to a lot of those feelings, at least partially. For example: 

-We can choose to see something positive as a blessing, rather than a coincidence or just a random experience.

-We can choose to intentionally look on the bright side, rather than the negative: optimism over pessimism. 

-We can choose to count our blessings.

-And we can choose our actions, and choose to do things that might bring joy. Though those actions often do so because we weren't thinking of our possible benefit, we were being Christ-like and serving in love. (This is kind of an altruism over hedonism thought, but that's a tangent.)

#4: The talk 'I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee' (read it here) by President Monson is such a comfort. It has a lot of great stuff; here is some: 

The history of the Church in this, the dispensation of the fulness of times, is replete with the experiences of those who have struggled and yet who have remained steadfast and of good cheer. The reason? They have made the gospel of Jesus Christ the center of their lives. This is what will pull us through whatever comes our way. We will still experience difficult challenges, but we will be able to face them, to meet them head-on, and to emerge victorious. [...]

We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.

This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life. 

#5: D&C 121: 7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

 8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

D&C 122: 4-9, but starting with verse 7, " if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. 8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"

#6: Basically, I don't think Heavenly Father wants us to compare our lives to others. I am ALWAYS GUILTY OF THIS! Lame. But honestly, I don't think it's what He wants. Because although it may bring temporary comfort when our lives don't seem as difficult as other's in certain lights, it inevitably will also bring discouragement when the opposite is true. And it will be, at some point. So yes, an option when things seem dreadful is to say 'At least such and such didn't happen, like it did to these folks!' But before too long, if we've allowed ourselves that path of thinking, we'll also think 'Yeah, but why can't it be like such and such's lives? They've never struggled with this. It doesn't seem fair.' 

#7: This is frustrating because I could not find it. But on the church's website, there are many, many short videos that uplift and inspire. And in one of them, they show a woman who...I think it was she had five children, and all of them and her husband died in this tragic natural disaster. I'm sorry I only have my faulty memory to go off of! But I talk about her not to compare (#5) but because something about it really struck me: she didn't seem full of sunshine. She wasn't pretending everything was perfect. But basically, she said that when she was in the temple she 'felt okay.' Like that was the most okay she'd felt in a long time. Not necessarily full of joy, just...okay, again. But she appreciated that.

She also talked about how she looks forward to seeing them again. Hope. She chooses hope. 

I just, so appreciated this. I think it validates the struggle that some who never feel like they get to experience happiness in this life, have. 

Joy will come. I choose to believe that. 

[Here are some more examples of people who overcame crazy-hard trials, and embraced the gospel: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/our-path-of-duty?lang=eng&_r=1 ; https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/healing-the-tragic-scars-of-abuse?lang=eng&_r=1 ]