What does your 'true love' look like?

This won't be quite as detailed as I'd make it in a journal, but whatevs.

I wanted to talk about something that movies seem to revolve around, that tv shows seem to revolve around, that MANY many young female conversations revolve around. That life (almost) revolves around: love. And the pursuit of 'true love.'

True love, painted in movies and books and tv shows and minds, is usually really easy. Or on the other end, extremely hard. It doesn't seem to be in-between. It's about instant connections; it's about soul mates. It's about butterflies and being swept off one's feet, or being the strong protector (depending on your gender, unfortunately). It's about being perfectly complimentary. And it often involves a race-to-tell-them-I-love-them 'suspense' scene.

Oh boy!

But you know what? I'm going to say something that I think most young, single people do not want to hear: I think the vast majority of people are a lot more normal than they'd like to view themselves, and their love may not be as exciting as love seems to be from these sources.

No! Not that!

In a country where being 'unique' is absolutely essential...I think in this pursuit for uniqueness, a lot of people are a lot more similar than they'd like to see. It's easy to dismiss others as all the same-but YOU are different. YOU have depth, YOU have other interests. We've gone over this in my Social Psychology class, and it just sang to me as truth: people usually view themselves as unique, but do not view others as such.

I think that's why we cling to little things that we see as 'different from others' in ourselves: because that makes us feel...special, kind of. Important. Needed. Like we fill a space that no one else could.

It is kind of a romantic idea, but you know what? This is something I'm still learning in life, but work with me here: it's okay to be normal. Seriously. It's okay to be one of many others. What if the many others are working towards something absolutely wonderful? Isn't it worth contributing? It's really getting down to the difference between individualistic and collectivistic cultures, and seeing some of the beauty in collectivistic cultures.

I guess this is kind of two separate streams of thoughts combined, but here's my point: because of this uniqueness, people want someone who's equally 'unique,' who would fit them like no one else would and compliment their every aspect. But really...this seems silly.

I think now, after being married for...well I'm going to say a 'while' (but you can interpret 2 5/6 years however you like), that's not really what it's about. Love is not a tremendous, extraordinary connection. Love is more a choice. It's the end result of a willingness to think of yourself and your own needs as 2nd priority over someone else's. And when children come, your own needs as 3rd priority. Which can be crazy hard when American culture has taught you life is about fulfilling yourself, and everything you do should be working toward that. But who does that put at the top of the list? ...you...yeah.

Butterflies are fun, certainly. But they don't last forever. And they needn't, really. There's something that's incredibly...I want to say fulfilling but this doesn't capture it enough. Deeper, much deeper. Greater. Stronger, more lasting, more powerful. About a lasting relationship between two 'normal' people.

The things that do kind of fall into the category of "soul mate" with Sam are pretty great, certainly. They make things easier I think. But they don't matter nearly as much as how hard we're trying to be good spouses for one another.

Example: We both enjoy beauty found in nature. We both like eating at fun restaurants. The dream house for both of us is not necessarily a huge house, but with some land and kind of in the country but located not too far from a fair-sized city. And we both sometimes feel socially inadequate-we call some people that intimidate us 'coolios', the people that are good at staying in sync with the latest trends and are really outgoing.

But on a daily basis, beauty in nature doesn't come up very much, really. But you know what does? Dirty dishes. We eat every day (no way!), and those dirty dishes pile up. And what makes a bigger difference in our relationship is not really the things that we have in common, but the things we're willing to do just because we love one another. So Sam or I will do the dishes, because both of us hate doing the dishes. So then the other person doesn't have to. Or Sam will have dinner waiting for me when I get home from class, because he knows I'll be hungry. Or yesterday, after I'd gone in to check on Jori when she just wasn't falling asleep for a nap and I was feeling sad listening to her cry, Sam had run downstairs and grabbed me a couple E.L. Fudge cookies because he knew those would be a nice little surprise for a sweets-lover like myself.

It's not the 'unique, this-is-who-I-am-and-it-will-never-change' things about Sam that make it true love. It's the choices we make to act. Deciding whether 'who he is is a giving, selfless person or not' is a waste of time. 'Who we are,' I still believe, is determined by what we do-what we devote our time to. And we have control over that. So examining how well the puzzle pieces of our souls fit together is a waste of time-Sam is my soul mate because I chose him, period, and it is true love when he chooses to act (on love he feels for me) selflessly.

So what does my true love look like? Mainly that: washed dishes. Dinner on the table. Occasional flowers are a fun surprise that I appreciate, but even better is this willingness to watch a redbox movie with me because I love movies. For Sam, it's when I choose to spend time on my appearance for him. When I've straightened up the living room, because he can't relax when things are crazy messy. Willingness to listen to whatever the other one wants to say, and paying attention. Asking questions. Checking up on the other during the day, just to see how they're doing. Reading scriptures together at breakfast.  Praying as a family in Jori's room every night. For me, it's encouraging comments from Sam about whatever I'm tackling-homework, parenting etc. Even if I need to let him know I need the encouraging comments, even if I need to let him know what to say-even those times, because he chooses to act, even if it's just to recite back to me something I've asked him to say, it's true love. He doesn't have to be a psychic mind-reader to be my soul mate. Saying we're sorry, because we both screw up a lot. Forgiving each other for said screw ups. Choosing not to ever talk badly about the other person with others, even when we're really annoyed with each other. Changing Jori's poopy diapers, or taking her into another room (or outside) when she's having a hissy fit. Ending every phone call with "Love you," even if it was only a 20 second phone call. Which they frequently are, actually. Neither of us are great phone talkers.

This leads me to want to write a post on what I do think is absolutely necessary to look for in the search for a spouse, but for now I'll end this one with the question: what does your 'true love' look like?

What bridges have you burned?

I've been thinking lately about things I wish I had done differently. Not like huge, crazy things...just things that are like 'Dang. That's a shame.'

I'll tell you about one: after I got my heart broken in 2008, I was a serious wreck for a long time. Actually looking back I wouldn't have done anything differently in that time-I got two part-time jobs that kept me plenty busy; I was involved in my church calling; and I met a different guy who became a real confidant, a real close friend. But all of this was just going through the motions-I just could not get over this other guy. I think partly this was because three weeks after he ended things with me he started dating someone else, a friend of his who had the qualities that I had lacked. That sort of thing just kind of stings, ya know? Just reminds you that much more what your weaknesses are.

Anyway then I moved back to Rexburg, and seriously I think where I lived was a god-send. I had 14 roommates. 14! I lived in a house with all those other girls, and even in my bedroom there were three others. And you know what? There was no drama! I swear, none of them at all were petty or competitive, like girls are stereotyped to be. They were crazy and fun and different and all, so complimentary to one another. All so lovely, so wonderful in different ways. And they welcomed me in with open arms, totally willing to accept my awkward and shy personality. I still didn't feel ready for a lot of it, but because of them and their adventures I had some serious fun when I returned to Rexburg, even if I didn't know how to allow it or resisted going along. Even with my self-destructive tendency to avoid social outings/gatherings, since...I don't know exactly. I think I fear people will be bored with me. But they didn't care! They didn't judge like I fear being judged by people who...I don't know are really outgoing or dress well or, just any of the things that intimidate me.

But now I regret, in the fall I had next  to no contact with any of them. Because of that unfortunate aspect of my personality-just thinking I'm not interesting enough for certain crowds or certain people, so even if I care about them not really keeping up contact. And then I got married, and then I wanted to downsize my facebook so deleted half of them as facebook friends because I thought they'd think it was creepy that I looked on their profile pages so frequently to see all the happenings of their lives without actually talking with them. I mean the idea is creepy, isn't it? But I've regretted that-even tried to re-add them and they didn't accept. But I wish I'd kept better contact with these girls, particularly the ones I shared a room with, because they were seriously angels. I wish I could express this to them, how much good they did in my life.

But perhaps even more, even more than the fact that I burned that bridge, I regret that it's only so evident to me because they didn't accept my friend requests. I wish that weren't necessary!

It just makes me that much more grateful for all the lovely people that I consider to be friends, even though I'm terrible at being a friend really. I lose contact so easily because....well frankly, I think it's cause I'm just shy. And it's easier, requires less energy, to see things just on the internet than to maintain actual relationships. Even though I care about a lot of people that I haven't talked to in ages. Kind of lame, don't you think? I mean that's not what I consciously think when I check people's blogs and facebook pages and what-have-you, but I think that's what's behind it.

I don't write this to make people uncomfortable-oops, sorry if I did. Or to make anyone feel sorry for me! How silly. I'm not like depressed right now, don't worry, I'm fine. I'm just being thoughtful, reflecting, and wondering-what bridges have you burned? Whether actively or passively?

More awesome vids

I'll post my favorites at the top. :)

Fun at the cabin!!

So as we always do, one week this summer my family spent in the Uinta's at the cabin. Just thought I'd share some of my favorite pics from the event. There are FAR more than just these...but I'm getting behind, so I'm going to leave it here. We had a great time. :)

Dresser re-vamp

Have you been on pinterest? People aren't kidding when they say it's addictive. But because of my awesome sister-in-law Jandel, I actually did one of the projects I'd seen (in various forms) on pinterest!
 See, Jandel told me on a Friday that Ace was having this amazing "Free quart of paint to the first 50 customers" deal the next day, in August. No purchase required! I mentioned it to Sam and he was like "you should get a nice turquoise color for the dresser." So I got online and got inspired:

Ooo! Ahh! Ooo la la! Jk, furniture rarely makes my heart sing. But It can make me smile sometimes when it gives me ideas, and these ones did.
(Found them here, here and here)
 So I marched right into Ace, chose my paint color and they mixed and gave it to me for free! (Then decided it was a bad color, drove back and they switched it!) Ace is now, officially, the bomb. 
Before pic (or as close as I can get): In truth, this pic is 2 1/2 years old, but because the first 3 days we worked on the dresser (over at my parents, since they have a garage) I forgot the camera, this has to do.
This is my dresser from as long as I can remember. My parents let us have it right after we got married. 

Can you kind of tell the color? It's kind of a cream, but it has some serious pink in there. Poor Sam was ready for a change, as was I. 

So what I used for my project: 

1 dresser: already had it;

 

 About 4/5ths of a quart of paint from Ace Hardware: free; 

One quart of Zinsser cover stain primer: 8.88 plus tax; 

About 1/5 of a 5 oz. can of Minwax Stain in Ebony: already had it from another project; 

Some painters tape: around $7.00; 

2 cans clear protective finish spray: around $6.00 (already had one can);

Some cheap washcloths from Ikea: already had them (rags would have worked but we haven't been married long enough for any of our old towels to turn to rags);

And some sand paper, 2 foam rollers, 2 foam brushes and 2 bristle brushes. I had everything but one extra foam brush, costing $1.00. So this project cost around $23.00. Not bad! 

Steps of project: 

1. Clean drawers-this was embarrassing, because I didn't realize how easily most of this stuff would come off. But it needed to be de-greased before painting, so I had at it and thought "Why didn't I do this years ago..." Maybe it's a good thing I didn't have my camera during this part. :S 
2. Use the first roller, bristle and foam brushes, and paint everything with the zinsser cover stain primer. This stuff doesn't wash out of brushes, so try to do this all at once or you'll have to buy more. We decided to only do one coat, mainly because of lack of patience. Everywhere I'd read online said 'foam brushes are sooo much better blah blah blah' but if you click on the dresser pic, can you see how many rivets there are?! There was no way foam was going to work on the front of those drawers. 
3. Apply first coat of turquoise paint. Finally found camera and took these: 

You'll have to forgive the shadows: we were working under some trees, since it was blazing hot and there was no way I was going to work on these in the garage. 

4. Get paint everywhere, including under-bum and sit on the lid. Yeah, I'm so awesome...

4.5. Go to library with daughter with said paint bum for some fun reactions.

5. Back to business: If there are any bubbles in the paint in the crevices on your dresser, push down on them to eliminate with something. We used a spackling spatula thing-worked like a charm. 

6. Using the sandpaper, sand down where 'natural wear' would occur on the dresser. Which means...who knows. Just do your best. :) We got better at this with each drawer. But I forgot to take pics, surprise surprise.

7. Using a bristle brush, paint on the stain. This part was intimidating for me-the project stood still for a while as I researched how I was going to 'antique' the dresser. But it was soo so easy! After you paint it on nice and thick, just take the rags (or washcloths, in our case) and wipe off the stain. Wipe harder if you want it to look lighter; apply more stain and wait longer before wiping if you think it should look darker. 

Here's a comparison of stained drawers and not:  

Excuse shadows :S

8. Spray the protective finish evenly. This part was funny to me-everywhere I saw online, when applying a spray finish or spray paint or anything, you're supposed to apply a thin, even coat, then gradually more coats. But I thought this was wayyyy easier said then done, so I just sprayed like mad and called it good. 

AAANNNNNDDDD here is the finished (minus drawer handles, that's another story) dresser! 

Jori's first haircut

So this was actually a few weeks ago now, like three or something. But Jori got her first haircut!! It was turning into serious mullet city in  the back, so I thought it time to switch from mullet to sweet little bob. *Edit* Funniest part of the haircut process? She pooped as soon as we got there, and of course we hadn't brought the diaper bag. Good thing the stylist was a trooper!

 Before shots. 

Look at my sweet little girl! She looked hilarious with that huge black thing wrapped around her, the booster seat they had for her and the chair. Looked cartoon-ish. But we brought her favorite Baby Einstein DVD (Christmas, of course) and a portable DVD player to distract her. She hardly needed it though: she was tired enough that she just kind of sat there and didn't even wiggle. My lil angel!

 I also got bangs, at the same time. I ended up trimming them a bit more after the above pic, and then have since trimmed them again just because they were growing.

Annnddd you'll have to forgive this crappy picture, this was the only one I could find. I was trying to get a pic of her bob and my bangs together, but she just wanted to steal the camera. And I couldn't crop it successfully-arg. But can you see how it's shorter?? So sweet. :) Looks more like a layered bob now, as I've said. It's even grown quite a bit since this haircut! I'm glad Jori's hair grows so fast-I'm sure she'll be grateful someday!

That Famous Preston Night Rodeo and Ariel's got mad skills with a chop saw

For real, the rodeo in Preston is called that. Isn't that awesome?
So Sam's from a small town called Franklin. Population: 643, according to google. Pretty tiny. But just north of Franklin is another-small-but-slightly-larger town, called Preston. This is where Sam went to high school, where they buy their groceries, etc. etc.

Anyway, at the end of July we went up to Sam's hometown for the 'That Famous Preston Night Rodeo' event. I think it's kind of a tradition for a ton of people who were raised there to come back for it every year, and also kind of have a reunion with others. That's the impression I got, anyway. So that's exactly what we did!

Worst part, though? Totally forgot my camera at the actual rodeo. And the parade. Lameeeee.

So here's what I'll do: show pictures of what I DID capture...and then improvise the ending.

Jori has taken a serious liking to dolls. Not with my coaxing at all. It's adorable.

 Seriously! Precious!!!

 I'm somehow related to Casper Merrill...I think he was probably one of the many sons of Marriner Wood Merrill, who had eight wives. I'm a descendant from his...I don't know which number wife, but her name was Elna. ? He's my great-great-grandfather. Ok. P.S. I hate how I look trying to display things, don't judge.

 

 One of the things we did while there was work on  taking apart one of Darren's old pallets, because I had the idea to make nightstands with pallet wood. Now I'm not positive if we will or not, but still. That was the general idea.

 As my lil bro Dave (on a mish in the Phillippines) would say: like a boss!

 SO precious. Piggie tales with ribbons! (You know those lasted about five minutes.)

And now:


*Lovely photo of our good friends James, Jenna and Ella*

*Lovely photo of Jori walking around holding Sam's hands*

*Photos of the parade, especially the tractors because they made me laugh*

*Lovely photo of our other good friends, Mark and Halsey, at the rodeo*

*Photos of the rodeo*

*Photos of the old man in the row in front of us who dove three rows down and crushed people to catch a T-shirt*

*Photo of the 10 year old girl he crushed to get it, getting the T-shirt from him*



I didn't make this post to talk about this but as a side note I will: I've really liked that Sam is from a small town, because it's opened my eyes a little bit. I think I used to kind of laugh at really small towns almost-I don't know why, maybe because I just couldn't imagine living in such a tiny place. But where Sam's parents live is seriously beautiful. Like incredibly so. And they still have neighbors (just not in a block, like in Provo-they each have their own land, but it only takes 40 seconds to zip over), and it's not like they have to drive for hours to reach a grocery store. I don't know... this one's hard to explain. It's probably a conceited thing. Anyway, I don't feel that way anymore is my point. I don't think I ever meant  to but it was kind of there, but not so much with Franklin anymore.
That was random. Um. the end