What bridges have you burned?

I've been thinking lately about things I wish I had done differently. Not like huge, crazy things...just things that are like 'Dang. That's a shame.'

I'll tell you about one: after I got my heart broken in 2008, I was a serious wreck for a long time. Actually looking back I wouldn't have done anything differently in that time-I got two part-time jobs that kept me plenty busy; I was involved in my church calling; and I met a different guy who became a real confidant, a real close friend. But all of this was just going through the motions-I just could not get over this other guy. I think partly this was because three weeks after he ended things with me he started dating someone else, a friend of his who had the qualities that I had lacked. That sort of thing just kind of stings, ya know? Just reminds you that much more what your weaknesses are.

Anyway then I moved back to Rexburg, and seriously I think where I lived was a god-send. I had 14 roommates. 14! I lived in a house with all those other girls, and even in my bedroom there were three others. And you know what? There was no drama! I swear, none of them at all were petty or competitive, like girls are stereotyped to be. They were crazy and fun and different and all, so complimentary to one another. All so lovely, so wonderful in different ways. And they welcomed me in with open arms, totally willing to accept my awkward and shy personality. I still didn't feel ready for a lot of it, but because of them and their adventures I had some serious fun when I returned to Rexburg, even if I didn't know how to allow it or resisted going along. Even with my self-destructive tendency to avoid social outings/gatherings, since...I don't know exactly. I think I fear people will be bored with me. But they didn't care! They didn't judge like I fear being judged by people who...I don't know are really outgoing or dress well or, just any of the things that intimidate me.

But now I regret, in the fall I had next  to no contact with any of them. Because of that unfortunate aspect of my personality-just thinking I'm not interesting enough for certain crowds or certain people, so even if I care about them not really keeping up contact. And then I got married, and then I wanted to downsize my facebook so deleted half of them as facebook friends because I thought they'd think it was creepy that I looked on their profile pages so frequently to see all the happenings of their lives without actually talking with them. I mean the idea is creepy, isn't it? But I've regretted that-even tried to re-add them and they didn't accept. But I wish I'd kept better contact with these girls, particularly the ones I shared a room with, because they were seriously angels. I wish I could express this to them, how much good they did in my life.

But perhaps even more, even more than the fact that I burned that bridge, I regret that it's only so evident to me because they didn't accept my friend requests. I wish that weren't necessary!

It just makes me that much more grateful for all the lovely people that I consider to be friends, even though I'm terrible at being a friend really. I lose contact so easily because....well frankly, I think it's cause I'm just shy. And it's easier, requires less energy, to see things just on the internet than to maintain actual relationships. Even though I care about a lot of people that I haven't talked to in ages. Kind of lame, don't you think? I mean that's not what I consciously think when I check people's blogs and facebook pages and what-have-you, but I think that's what's behind it.

I don't write this to make people uncomfortable-oops, sorry if I did. Or to make anyone feel sorry for me! How silly. I'm not like depressed right now, don't worry, I'm fine. I'm just being thoughtful, reflecting, and wondering-what bridges have you burned? Whether actively or passively?