So, here's what happened the past four
months:
Sam was super miserable at his job,
always stressed; I was sick because of pregnancy all the time and
miserable from that; and because of the constant misery, we weren't being our best with each other either, which just made the stress grow more. Obviously
we decided the situation could not last—especially because Sam
wasn't making enough to make ends meet, anyway. Not worth it. SO...
End of February: we moved in with Sam's
parents. Not our proudest moment—it kind of felt like we were
hitting rock bottom to have to do that. But honestly, I started
feeling happier immediately (and the sickness was waning which was
glorious), and Sam (I think) did too. As an example, he had had high
blood pressure when we were in California and checked it at, ya know,
a grocery store, but then when we were in Idaho it was back to
normal. Just a result of that job!
March: most of March was spent...I can
barely remember, honestly. How'd that happen? I know Sam spent a ton
of time trying to get his employer to pay him what he was due: he
ended up receiving the final amount he was owed about two months
after he stopped working there, which violated California labor laws
anyway. But whatever, water under the bridge. We came down to Provo
my birthday weekend for one of my nephew's baby blessings; I think
Sam was just researching different careers and trying to find
job-shadowing opportunities through most of the month. We were
leaning toward him pursuing Speech and Language Pathology, and made a
tentative plan of him pursuing his Communication Disorder's 2nd
Bachelor's degree at USU and then pursuing their Master's program
(since he'd need to get the Bachelor's to complete the Prerequisites,
anyway).
April: It was either early April or the
end of March when he did do his first, then second shadowing
experience. Both told him one thing: at least what those two people
were doing with their degree, was not for him. They weren't the only
jobs in the field, but they were the ones that were the most
plentiful and also HORRIBLE pay. So we felt like it got more
complicated, like our plan was not a strong one. Because we were
pursuing this all on the hope that Sam would find one of the more
difficult-to-attain jobs after done with schooling, and hoping that
he'd like it. And going into debt and doing school for three years to
get there. A little scary. Also...
Sam started job searching hard-core,
but not quite for minimum wage jobs. Not like he was only applying to
super high paying jobs, but he wanted enough to get by and move us
out. I won't go into this too much, because it kind of became a point
of conflict with Sam and his parents. But, again, now, it's water
under the bridge so doesn't really matter. So anyway this became
Sam's primary use of time, all day every day just searching and
applying for jobs. He also applied for the USU 2nd
Bachelor's degree, online program he needed to get into, which had
classes starting the beginning of May.
About mid-April, things honestly just
seemed really low. Really, really low. I was trying to stay positive
for his sake, but Sam was super discouraged and things were a little
bit tense in the house from Sam and his parents kind of disagreeing
about the best course of action to take, from where we stood. And
both sides had valid points. But it was just a low point. I
personally was really really struggling with not just
feeling...abandoned, by Heavenly Father. I felt foolish and silly for
sharing with so many people that we had been inspired to go down to
California, and then it was such a miserable experience overall down
there. I didn't understand it, and resentfully determined that I must
not have been right in my ability to interpret revelation. I just
didn't trust it, and felt like we were on our own and treading water.
So, we went to the temple. On a Tuesday. Tuesday, April 23rd
I believe. And I just prayed and cried and cried and prayed. For
help. I had no idea where to go with the negative feelings.
**side-note: even this, though, was not
the same as serious clinical depression; that feeling was more like a
black hole, like there was no light left that I could possibly feel,
and this was more like...I was stuck in a dark hole, but there was
light at the top but I needed a boost and couldn't find one and had
tried everything I thought of to get out. It's not that I didn't
think there was a way out exactly; it was more like a math problem I
just could not solve and wanted, needed, the explanation to have my
'a-ha!' moment. That's the best I can do to distinguish. That's for
my mom: she was worried about my mental state at this point and I'm
grateful to say it's never been as bleak as it was when I had serious
clinical depression at one point in 2008-2009, thank heavens.
Tuesday night, I started thinking about
Physical Therapy as a career for Sam instead of the one we'd
tentatively been planning on. And it wasn't like the heavens started
singing this; it was more just like “Well...what if?” In
particular, I started viewing the University of Utah's prerequisite
requirements for this, and considering how quickly Sam could get them
done. And it seemed like (at the time), if he was fast, he could have
them all done basically in the summer and could apply for the next
'cycle,' the next...year of admissions, or however you want to say
it, quickly. So I showed him that night. And actually instead of
dismissing it with this or that reason, as he'd done with some other
ideas we'd brainstormed, he went “Well huh. Hmm.”
So WEDNESDAY, that's what I did all
day. Looked up prerequisite requirements for different Physical
Therapy programs, and how quickly Sam could get them done. I also
looked up tuition at USU vs. BYU for these courses, and tried to
weigh the pros and cons of going to each university (since they
seemed like our most likely two options, for the prereqs). Sam looked
over the list and got more and more into the possibilities, too. It
just seemed more...I don't know. Like an open road vs. a dead end,
kind of feeling. I also emailed my parents with our brainstorming,
and to see if it'd be possible for us to live with them over part of
the summer (seemed like Summer Term was the most likely), to see if
BYU was a serious possibility.
So THURSDAY, we figured out that Sam
would be called a “Post-Bac” student at BYU if he were to go
there, and that...well basically their deadlines are way more lax
than for normal students, so as long as Sam completed an application
before the term or semester he was hoping to start, and was accepted,
he could go that very term or semester. So. We began the application
process for Spring Term. Which started five days later. We also
double checked on the status of Sam's application to USU, which had
classes starting a week later than BYU. Holy cow that was nuts.
FRIDAY, we decided to go the temple
again. What a treat, I'm telling ya! Twice in one week! Again, we
prayed and prayed, but this time more like “This is the path we
want to start on for now; is that okay?” And I can't describe the
feeling other than...relief, honestly. I think I had the thought “I
approve.” Not that that's how we're spoken to or anything, I just
had that thought and that feeling. I described it to Sam in the most
sacred room of the temple as...before, we faced a whole field and
needed to plow it but had no means. Now we had the means. It felt
like we'd been given a plow.
SUNDAY, Sam completed the last part of
his BYU application by doing the ecclesiastical endorsement with the
bishop and stake president, and we decided to head down to Provo the
next day in case he was indeed accepted to BYU Spring Term so that he
wouldn't miss the first week of classes, just due to waiting on
hearing about the application status. We were told it could take that
long. We had no idea what we'd do at the end of the week, either way,
because we were still waiting to hear from USU about if Sam had been
admitted or not. But we thought this way if he decided to attend BYU
no time lost, and if he decided to attend USU we weren't any worse
off for Sam attending a week of classes at BYU. We called my parents
but didn't receive an answer....(BTW they'd emailed back and said of
course we were welcome to stay with them if needed though.) So...
MONDAY, we drove down to BYU, and
actually found out pretty fast that Sam had been admitted for Summer
Term 2013-Summer Term 2014, based on us saying that's how much time
he'd need to complete his prereqs. So at first this was a
bummer...but then I remembered the BYU Salt Lake Center, and when I
called they actually said that enrollment is open to anyone, but the
classes taken there go onto one's transcript just like a normal BYU
class. They don't say “Taken at Salt lake center” in a footnote
or anything. So we found they were teaching one of the essential
classes Sam needed to take. And we also discovered two other courses
that we'd put on the plan, were offered through BYU's Independent
Study program. So this seemed great! Sam could work on these during
the Spring/Summer Terms. So...
We still had no idea how we were going
to make ends meet through all this process, though. Life is so
expensive. I have no idea how we survived before. So Sam and I
decided to (humbly, bashfully) go back and get another application to
Suncrest Apartments in Provo, where we had lived before and where
they offered government subsidized housing to those who qualified.
The manager remembered us and was super friendly, and seemed
optimistic. She seemed to think we could get into a place as soon as
six months from then. Which was good news, since we were expecting a
wait of 12-18 months...but we still weren't sure how we'd survive
until then, since my parents really don't have the room for a family
of 3 ½-4 for 6 months and we really didn't want to have to do that,
anyway. (No matter how incredible your family is, living with others
is, in my opinion, a strain—it's hard not to have your own space.
As an adult, I mean.)
We were still considering USU strongly
at this point because we figured we could move from the upstairs
down to the basement in Sam's parents house, which would seem a
little bit more like a space to 'call our own,' just to try to
personalize a bit; and it seemed like we could make this work for a
more extended period of time than the previous living arrangements.
But we didn't want it to be necessary, either. So then...
We decided to pick up an application
with the Provo Housing Authority, who is the other...group? That's
not the right word but oh well, who does subsidized housing in Provo.
And that was a BIZARRE experience. We walked in, and after we told
the receptionist that we have a daughter and are expecting a son her
face lights up and she's like “So you qualify for a three-bedroom!
We have 3-bedroom units that will be opening up right away, and we're
looking for families to fill them!” Basically. Sam and I just
looked at each other, like “What the heck?!” Because I'd actually
put us on a list for their Section 8 Voucher program in the past, and
it'd taken 15 months for us to get to the top of that list (and we
ended up not doing it, anyway). It just seemed, kinda sketchy. Like
it was too good to be true. But she kept emphasizing that they were
nice units, and that it's Provo Housing Authority that owns random
units all over Provo that they fill with people through their 'Public
Housing' program. So we took the application. We, skeptically, filled
it out that night and returned it the next morning. But at this
point, we'd decided to stay in Provo (or soon after this, I forget)
and Sam stay at BYU at least for the summer, because it seemed like
this was the answer to our prayer of “which to attend, and if BYU
how will we pay for living?”
Basically what happened after that was
she made it sound like we could move into a place in 1-2 weeks, then
we showed up at that time and they were like “actually you don't
qualify because neither of you are working currently,” which was a
blow; but then they changed their minds and said “actually you do:
here's the three possibility's addresses, so you can drive by, and
just let us know by Monday morning which you want and you can move in
after the current people move out.” Roller coaster ride. The last
part was on a Thursday...the 9th, I think. Of May. So
there we were.
We eliminated one of the three
immediately because of location...but the other two had lots of pros
and cons to each, and it was a hard decision. We finally decided on
one that was just north of the Provo Cemetery (which was funny
because our last place was just a few blocks south of it), and we got
the keys Wednesday, May 29th! Nuts. So we moved in a few
things, and the next Monday Darren helped us move down the rest of
our stuff that was in Franklin, ID; Eagle Mountain, UT; and a couple
other random spots.
This, alone, has felt like a tremendous
blessing. This was, for me, a huge weight off my shoulders. It really
feels wonderful to have a space to call our own again, with our own
furniture and dishes to fill it. Even though some big items of
furniture are new (to us) anyway—I'm still not stressed now about
spilling and whatnot! Plus it has a dishwasher, plus hookups for a
washer and dryer, which is pretty great. So I'm a pretty happy
camper, I can honestly say.
But it wasn't quite as much of a relief
for Sam. It is a relief,
don't get me wrong; but Sam, all through May while we were staying at
my parents' place (we went up to Idaho once more in there, to pack up
our stuff and bring down some more things) had been applying for jobs
without success. He'd gotten a couple interviews, and he wasn't
looking for full-time employment anymore (since he's back in school)
and really wasn't being picky about the part-time either, but hadn't
succeeded yet. But then he found one for a company called
“Multiling,” which seemed like it was calling to him, seriously.
First off, he got his degree in Linguistics, and that's what the
'ling' in 'Multiling' is all about! And second, the job posting said
they preferred someone with library experience, and Sam has (almost)
two years of library experience from his time spent working at the
BYU library! So even when applying, he seemed like a strong
candidate.
They
got back to him quickly, I think this was on the 24th(?)
of May, requesting his pay requirements and his availability before
even calling him in for an interview. This seemed odd enough, but he
let them know quickly...but then he didn't hear from them for over a
week and had pretty much given up on them as a possibility. But then
they called him back at the beginning of last week for an interview,
then a second interview just this past Friday the 7th,
and said they'd let him know by like Thursday if he got the job. But
then Monday afternoon they emailed and said it was his!! It seems
really great, honestly: it's better pay than we were expecting (they
went 33% higher than the pay requirements he had told them), will be
a fair number of hours without being full-time (about 29 hours per
week), and seem to be supportive of him going to school so quite
flexible with his schedule. I think the main thing he'll be doing
will be archiving, which will actually be fairly dull but not
complicated after he gets the hang of it and so that's just fine; but
right now they're really busy with all these other projects, so he's
kind of experiencing a 'baptism-by-fire' kind of experience right
now. He started right on Tuesday, since the guy he's replacing will
be leaving Friday so they needed to get him in so he could get
trained right away. So he's worked two days there now.
Oh I'm so
grateful!! Perhaps more than any other reason, I'm grateful because
this is a huge burden off of Sam's shoulders. Monday night he seemed
happier than I've actually seen him in ages. It isn't like “Life is
easy-peasy now!” exactly—now he's got to figure out how to
balance the work, school, homework and family, along with studying
for and taking the GRE and Physical Therapy observation hours over
the next year and three months...but we feel like we're doing the
right thing right now.
Honestly
we have no idea if Sam will even be a Physical Therapist. But the
nice thing about the classes he's taking currently is they're pretty
much the same for a lot of the health graduate degrees, like for
Optometry and Physician's Assistant school. There's some differences
but a lot of overlap. So who knows: maybe Sam will just keep working
for the company he just started for and work his way up; maybe he'll
switch to a different health career; or maybe he'll end up going to
Physical Therapy school. Only time will tell. It's just much more
doable right now, for us to 'Put Our Shoulder To the Wheel' if you
will. I think of the verses “Put your shoulder to the wheel, push
along! Do your duty with a heart full of song! We all have work, let
no one shirk; put your shoulder to the wheel!” Or, if we're talking
songs...I also think of Disney's Snow White singing “With a smile
and a song, life is just like a bright sunny day your cares fade
away, with a smile and a song” as she scrubs like a servant. This
about feels like where we're at right now.
And
OH! That's right! Thanks for asking: yes, I'm still 'in school'; yes,
I'm still really really hoping to be done by the deadline for August
graduation; and yeah...it's been hard going. But with the rest of
this update maybe you understand why: we've had a lot of other things
going on! Still. At the beginning of April, I completed my 2 credit
D&C class, leaving my 1 credit temple class, my 3 credit
Psychological Development of Children class, and my 3 credit
Industrial/Organizational Psychology class left to complete. Since
then and up till now, I've completed about half of the Child
Development class and half of the temple class. So viewed in this
light I have about...5 credits left to complete, by July 26th.
Gotta buckle down!! Somehow with two family reunions in there, too.
Bah...cross your fingers for me. I'll be a super duper happy trooper
if I can graduate before becoming a mommy of two; or at least finish
the coursework (I'll still have August before the baby is due if I
can't meet the July deadline for August graduation).
I haven't even
spent that much time thinking about baby boy's impending arrival,
what with the rest that was going on in our lives over the past four
months particularly; but I am indeed six months pregnant! Baby looks
healthy according to the latest ultrasounds (which were actually a
while ago but still, are encouraging). I am looking forward to
meeting him, but am also totally freaked out about becoming a mommy
of two. Hopefully I'll get over that by then. Not like I can back out
now, or that I want to really either; I'm just terrified. I think
because I understand, he is going to be his own person and just
because I've had one before doesn't mean the same things are going to
work on this guy. But hopefully this or that will come back to me.
And that's what Heavenly Father is for, too. Helping.
Love to all, gold
stars all around if you read this far –Ariel Hatch
jk jk, they love grandma time I promise.
Especially this goofy one. I swear she wasn't in time out or anything.
