What's the Matter, You Scared?

Sam and I were watching The Great Debaters the other day. Actually this isn't about that movie though: it's about a line said in the movie, that I see all the time in movies and on television, that makes me bristle.

"What's the matter, you scared?"

The Henry Lowe character used this on Samantha Booke to get her to ditch the dance, and her chaperon, and scamper off to some previously unknown-to-her-location, to "listen to some real music." But what they did isn't the issue, or the motivations. It's the tactic.

I HATE THAT.

Why do people ask that, with tones of accusation? Disgust? Challenge? Why is fear so despicable to people?

 How do people not understand that it is simply a manipulation tool? The accuser is undermining the person's confidence. Making them feel weak. Or, accusing them of being weak.

But why? This is so stupid to me.

Fear can be a good thing. Fear keeps us from doing crazy, stupid, selfish things, and ruining lives. Fear can actually keep us strong. As long as it is rational, at least.

This means even more to me I think, since becoming the mother of a son. I don't want him to believe idiots who try to use fear to make him think he is less of a human being, that there is something wrong with him, and that the only way to be complete is by doing whatever they've challenged him to do.

I don't look to men who get egged on and do crazy stunts as heroes, as braver than brave. Who do things that are vicious, or dangerous, or idiotic, as admirable.

I look to the ones who stand up and actually act like men. Who recognize that they are human, that they get afraid. And know how to handle it. Know how to work through it, or use it to direct their behavior.

So I have one prime example of bravery instead, to offer up.

Joseph, from the Bible, fleeing from Potiphar's wife. He could very well have had the hots for her. We know she had been persistent. Perhaps she tried to use tactics similar to this sentence I abhor. But Joseph knew the danger and he ran. He didn't try to prove his manliness in any sinful private soirée; rather, he knew what was right and what was not, he recognized the weakness in himself (perhaps), and he fled from the situation rather than do something he would be ashamed of and punished for later. That is courage. That is brave.