That is SO Offensive...to Mothers of Young Ones (And Others a'Course)

I am, unfortunately, what you might call "thin-skinned." Overly-sensitive. And, unfortunately, easily offended. My poor husband.

But I'm coming to realize...maybe our culture is that way, too. Everyone always so eager to find reason to be offended. And, ironically, eager to point out the judgment that others MUST be bestowing, in their general direction.

And you know what? This is just, stupid. Silly. Dumb.

I think, for this post anyway, we need to do three things as a culture: stop pretending we're all exactly the same and we should be blind to any of our differences, stop being so positive others are judging us, and when they are...stop caring.

Have you ever stared at something that was out of the ordinary? Of course you have. Everyone has, and does. It's natural. It's also impolite, and better to stop yourself from making a big fuss about it, but to glance over a scene and not steady our eyes on the different thing would be...fighting instincts, really. I'm no neurologist but I think that's just how our brains work, we're going to notice what's different.

I don't think this is always wrong, either. If you see nine smiles, and then a face that's tear-streaked and shoulders that look weighed down with sorrow, it can evoke sympathy and compassion. If you are in charge of ten children (a classroom, maybe?) and eight are writing, but two are missing, noticing what's different can

prompt you to go searching and discover they're fighting in the halls. Who knows! It could prevent a broken nose. And if you see a mother pushing a double stroller with two other wee tots dragging behind, noticing that she may not be the same as all the others who were trying to walk through some doors ahead could cause you to run forward and open the door for her. (Which she would actually, very possibly, greatly appreciate.)

So, young mothers? When someone is staring at you because you're breastfeeding in public, (if they actually are because there's a fair chance it's all in your head,) stop being positive they're glaring. Maybe they're just staring because they don't realize they are yet, and will catch themselves in a moment and be super embarrassed. And you did just reveal your boob. Which most people don't do in public. It doesn't mean they're judging you, it just means they aren't blind.

Or, (also young mothers,) if people are staring at you at the grocery store when you have a screaming,
kicking toddler and a starting-to-cry-baby in the front of your grocery cart, stop being positive they're thinking "Wow, what an awful mother. And awful children." I bet there's a fair chance they're thinking, "Hang on, mama. You're doing a great job." or "I've so been there." or "I wish I could help somehow." They might even say "Looks like you got your hands full!" Which is my personal least favorite (and I once had it told to me three times in two minutes), but try to remember (if at all possible) they're just trying to relate and communicate to you somehow "Everything is going to be all right, this moment will end."

Also...stop being offended people notice you have kids. Maybe they like kids. You don't need to prove to them that you can do everything yourself--let them open the door for you. Let them pick up the library item you dropped. Let them give your wee one a sticker, when they need a distraction. (I had to ask a grocery store worker to stay with Jori in the entry of the store a month ago, because she wouldn't walk with me and I physically could not carry her while she was throwing a tantrum and Atticus at the same time to the car, and the worker didn't roll her eyes or anything, she instead offered to carry the baby so I could carry Jori. She just tried to make it easier for me. And did. Bless her.)

But when they are judging, folks? We have a few choices: decide they're jerks and think naughty words at them for the next five minutes (been there), recognize they might have a point and use it as motivation to do better next time (that does happen), or...give them a break. We're all learning, we're all growing. None of us are perfect, and pretty much all of us fight judgmental thoughts sometimes (in my opinion, anyway). Let them have this one.

Maybe they WERE thinking "Wow, that toddler is out of control. So loud, so annoying!" But just remember to yourself, "They're out of control because I didn't give in and buy them candy when they were misbehaving. I'm not doing anything wrong here. We can do hard things! I've got this!"

You have got this, ladies. So stop being sure everyone else is trying to tear you down or thinks you're doing an awful job, and hating them for it. I'll just share an experience I had one early morning: I went grocery shopping bright and early with my two little bobbins, and picked out donuts for them (and me) to keep their hands busy and our tummies from grumbling, in the hopes of preventing too many impulse buys. I had this ginormous car-cart that I almost always use now, and was having trouble staying out of the way of this one gentleman who worked for the store who was trying to move a whole ton of pallets from the back, across the store to the produce department, multiple times. I finally, embarrassingly, said "I'm sorry," thinking he probably was annoyed at me for getting in the way and thought I was a poor mother for giving my kiddos donuts, and to my surprise he said "Oh I think you're doing an awesome job! You're super mom!"

You got this, super moms.

(or super folks...sorry this one was so tailored towards mamas, it's kind of the circle I travel in these days.)