Thank you, Salt Lake City

  
Thank you, mobile home. Sam cursed you for your weird jimmy rigs, and I hated the cigarette smoke that was so plentiful outside. But I loved the wonderful natural lighting, having a playroom, and all the extra space in the garage. Also I was very grateful Sam had a separate room he could study in behind the garage, so I wasn't as stressed about trying to keep the kids quiet during that time (an impossible task). And we really enjoyed the swings, slide, monkey bars, trampoline and sandbox in the backyard. Thanks for being our refuge from the storm for nearly three years.
   

Thank you, Whitmore, Murray and Holladay libraries. Especially Whitmore. And the Salt Lake County Library System in general. Libraries are my happy place, and the materials you had were so valuable to me and my family. It was a free, fun outing we could always count on, and an invaluable asset particularly when we homeschooled. I'll miss you.
 
Thank you, Wheeler Farm. Besides the animals, which were fun, you gave me a slice of wilderness in Salt Lake. It really kind of sung to my soul, honestly. And again, free!! We were going on a weekly basis at one point. I'll miss you.

Thank you, dollar theater and Nickelmania. I loved going to both of you. Seriously. Cheap entertainment was so valuable to a poor family with no income. I'll miss you.
  
Thank you, awesome homeschoolers I got to know. Tess and Jana in particular. You opened my eyes to different ways to view education, warmed me to unschooling (even if it may not be for me), and welcomed me even if our political and religious views could be so different. You always acted kind and warm, and I always felt validated and calmer about homeschooling in general, after time around you. I miss you.

Thank you, Rachael and Emily. Oh, you two! I can't believe that we've gone from within an hour of each other to in three different states, in three short months. I just adore you. Thanks for everything, continuously. Thanks for the mom nights, for listening to me when I cried. For sharing your lives as well. For understanding my love of homeschooling, and not judging me for that. It's kind of nuts that it's been 11 years since we were all roommates. But I'm so grateful to still have your friendship as a big part of my life. 

Thank you, my Chevy Chase Ward mom friends. You have seriously changed me for the better. When we moved to Salt Lake, I was sad to leave an area and ward I had really loved in Springville, and worried about how I would handle my husband in law school with three little kids at the same time.
    


But time passed. I met Brynn. I set up that mom group, and a bit later mom's nights out, at both of which I got to know Shauna, Tawni, Yael, Brittany and Julia well. More time passed; Shauna and Katie did that preschool co-op with me. Others moved in, and I appreciated getting to know Jennifer, Emily, Deborah, Jessica and Alicia as well. 

 I had preconceived notions about the 'type' of people who would ever be interested in being my friends, or who I could relate to. I really felt these got blown out of the water with your friendships. You had strengths I do not, but I never was made to feel lesser than around you. I can't remember a single interaction of any of you speaking ill of each other. It was always uplifting and positive, even when I was feeling at my worst. You don't know how much your kindness meant to me, at times when I couldn't share how hard of a time I was actually having. Which is saying something! Since I was prone, comfortable as I became around all of you, to share a lot. I miss you all terribly.

Thank you, Chevy Chase Ward primary. Oh my goodness I love you all. Small but mighty! All of the kids: I think of you often. And all the leaders: you really raised the bar, in my eyes, of what magnifying your calling looks like. So much thought was put into lessons, music, activities. So much love that I could see, and was ever so grateful for as a parent. I miss you very much.    

Thank you, Chevy Chase Ward at large. I doubt we'll ever feel so valuable to a ward. I worried, when we first moved in, and it was so quiet I could hear benches creaking when people would shift in their seats. I thought "Oh no!! We have a 5 year old, almost 3 year old and 5 month old!! We're going to be so disruptive and everyone will hate us!!" I couldn't have been more wrong. We certainly did have our moments; I never did find that Buzz Lightyear action figure Atticus tossed angrily once as I carried him out. But with very little exception, we were always made to feel SO welcome by the other members of the ward. People would remember our kids' names, ask how they were individually. I can remember multiple times when people would come up randomly, with small but intentional gifts, and say "I was just thinking of your kids and had to buy this for them." Other times, someone would stop by with a treat, just because. Or send an email, just because. I don't think I fully understood what a ward family feels like, until this ward. I've loved a lot, but geeze. You set the bar. You took care of us through one of the, to this point, hardest stages of our lives. You provided such inspirational lessons and insights, saying just what I needed to get me through one more week without even realizing it so often. And the outpouring of love that all of us experienced...we miss you.

Thank you, so much of my family. It's not like I'm dead, and I still hope we can come down to Utah often. But it isn't the same. I love you so much. And mom and dad, I thought 45 minutes was an adjustment! Four hours certainly puts that into perspective. My little family has had a lot of change over the course of our children's short lives; it was nice to have extended family time with my side as a constant they could count on, at least monthly. Our kids' best friends are truly your children.  It was the number one hardest thing to move away from, taking them away from the accessibility of all that. I hope we're able to still keep their friendships strong, as well as our own. How I rely on you. How I appreciated knowing, even if I didn't utilize it as much as I now (of course) feel like I could have, that a lot of family was a mere 20 minutes to an hour away. I know we are where we are supposed to be in Idaho right now, and I don't dislike our area or ward. But I do miss you and love you, so, so much.

I guess I should say thanks to the S.J. Quinney College of Law, at the University of Utah. I only went to you like three times though. But thank you for giving Sam a chance to get an education, preparing him for a career in something he enjoys. I won't really miss you, but...fist bump? Thanks.

Thanks Salt Lake. And Utah, I guess. It's been real.

After....

After:

• Plans and steps towards becoming a(n):
• Optometrist
• Helicopter Pilot
• Speech and Language Pathologist
• Physical Therapist
• ATTORNEY
• Living in a mobile home, while friends and family's regular brick and mortar homes they owned appreciated in value;
• Waking up at 5:00 A.M. to study, so that after 5:00 P.M. he could be present for his wife and three children;
• Plunging, steadily, into deeper student debt, which paid for not only tuition and books but a family of five's living expenses...
• ...and yet kept us well below the poverty line, and trying very consciously to shield this reality from our kids;
• Stressing about getting a job that first summer (which only a handful really did get);
• Doing really well! In many classes, and winning some awards;
• Stressing about getting a job that second summer (which most really did get, but Sam did not)
• Becoming Elder's Quorum President, briefly;
• Making law review, and getting published (which few did);
• Stressing about getting a job offered for after graduation, which many had lined up at the beginning of the 3rd year, and almost all had lined up by Christmas...but somehow Sam did not; which meant we'd had...
• Near crippling anxiety (and forced optimism, and silent tears, on my part) about the future for two straight years....

Sam was offered a job at the end of January, doing just about exactly what he'd hoped to professionally. 

And yesterday, he graduated. !!!!!

Sam has said doing law school, along with meeting his family's needs simultaneously, has to this point been the hardest thing he's ever done. 

I'm so proud of him. <3 div="">

This song has basically been my theme song over the years, particularly since he began law school. Hopefully you can appreciate how poignant it is, for me.

Contrary to popular belief...

I actually have not forgotten about this little spot. Truth be told, it got hard writing because of life circumstances. Law school is hard, yo. Hard on the student, hard on the family. And social media made it hard not to feel like I’m not measuring up, often. Hard not to compare and feel bad that we still don’t own a house, that we can’t afford a lot of fun activities we would love to, for our kids.

I also mostly have just wanted to share thoughts, but I know people see these things for cute posts about families. Not wanting to delve into my overanalysis. Oi vey!

But truly I like writing. It’s enjoyable. And I’m hoping to find that happy medium between sharing, but not feeling like I’m competing, in life; and maybe sharing a bit of both (thoughts and general happenings).

There’s something kind of annoying about Instagram and Facebook, to me. It almost feels like we do these little blurbs, with pics, and in action are saying “Care about me! Just look! Real fast! I promise it won’t take long!” And if it IS too long, or not interesting enough,  we scroll past it.

I still love what people I care about share, because it’s much better than no contact! But I think I yearn for real connection, with a smaller number of people.

So! I think I’m going to try to bring blogging back into my life. Share my family’s updates, without feeling like I’m begging people to not forget me. (For the record that’s not what I think others are doing, it’s just a bit how I feel when I share things. This isn’t a judgment against others, at all. Please keep sharing if you do!)

I’d also love if it didn’t make anyone feel bad...the way incredible homes and accomplishments sometimes do, for me. But it’s a fine line! Everyone wants to share wha t they’re proud of. So...hopefully I can find a happy medium. Keep it authentic, mainly.

So! Fingers crossed!

:) When life is a Cheerios commercial...

Have any of you read this before? It's awesome. 

I was having one of those moments on Friday. We had stayed overnight at my parents, so Sam could go fishing and I could just enjoy being there with the kids, visiting with my parents in their home. After Sam got back, we snagged my parents' two dogs, Cocoa (a dachshund) and Piglet (a Pug), and took our three bobbins (aka children) for a walk. It turned longer when we decided to go to the close by school. I took a chance and suggested we drop the dogs leashes, let them wander at the elementary playground we ended up at. They did great. The kids were playing well, dogs were happy, weather was PERFECT, husband was helping some kids in need nearby, and...

I had one of those moments. Kairos. God's time. Just a glimpse of perfect bliss, a glimpse of how God sees these living souls he has created and loves so infinitely. 

It was beautiful. I took a quick video. Enjoy. :)  

What are YOUR favorite movies? Here are mine.

Okay, I just thought this would be fun. I may like movies a bit too much. More than a bit if you ask my husband...

I have a (secret) pinterest board, where I keep track of movies I'd enjoy owning. I can find something to enjoy in most films I watch, but some I wish I'd never seen, some I feel content with and don't want to see again, and others I'd love to see a second time. I claim no aficionado status whatsoever; I often don't know why critics love some movies and hate others. We're keeping it real, people. So! Here are types of movies I (apparently, based on an analysis of my board) seem to enjoy most, in no particular order:

• Intrigues/Thrillers. How can you not enjoy a good intrigue or thriller?! The trick is finding ones without tons of gory, senseless violence. Also no trauma involving children, for me. And take it easy on the jump scenes! I love/hate it! Maybe some examples of ones I do like in this category are The Interpreter, Argo, Inception, Conspiracy Theory and Bridge of Spies. Oooohhhh man. Gotta know gotta know, how will they resolve it?! Super fun. Further themes in this grouping seem to be:
• When someone gets framed for something and is on the run/has to prove their innocence, like Enemy of the State, the Fugitive, and the Negotiator (all edited, let's be clear). 
  

         Run, Harrison, run!

• Courtroom drama, like the Runaway Jury and Rainmaker. 

I saw a trailer for Murder on the Orient Express recently and I am PUMPED! If you want to get me a Christmas present, get me tickets to that thing. Man. 

• Ones where people stand up for something that is right, often facing serious opposition. (Some courtroom ones do this, too.)  So in this category I'd say Invictus, Amazing Grace, The Blind Side, Concussion, The Help, To Kill a Mockingbird and 12 Angry Men are some examples.
  

• Almost the same but slightly different, I'll say movies where they value (or come to value) spouses and families, bettering oneself and being kind to others. But it's not a Christian low-budget film...so that's challenging! I'll say the movies the Family Man, Cinderella Man, the Bucket List, Amelie (reminder: all rated R edited), Shawshank Redemption, Secret Life of Walter Mitty, About Time, the Painted Veil and It's a Wonderful Life might group here.  Maybe it seems weird to group all these together? Not sure how else to say it. 'Feel good,' maybe? I've meant to see Life is Beautiful for a while now, seems like it would fit here; I also just saw a trailer for a movie called You're Not You which, if I could find it edited, seems like it'd fit here and be right up my alley. 
  

• Comedies...I mean everyone loves laughing, right? We just think different things are funny. I generally don't like poop, pee or vomit humor....ew. (Maybe Three Men and a Baby as an exception to that general rule...dealing with baby waste is just so relatable! How can I not laugh?) I do enjoy dry humor (when I can keep up😉), like The Importance of Being Earnest and Stranger Than Fiction. And besides that...I guess some goofy comedy? Nacho Libre, Austenland, Get Smart and the Man Who Knew Too Little. I saw the movie Spy edited and boy did I giggle! I really liked Guardians of the Galaxy, but the sequel I really didn't. 
  

•  Chick flicks in general. This can often be my guilty pleasure category, because I'll watch nearly any. But I really don't like ones where the idea is basically 'the heart wants what it wants, regardless of who you're married to.' Boo. And I may enjoy seeing once, but don't repeat as much, ones where you know in real life the couple would break up after like two days. I'm a fan of when it seems like they'd really stay together, in real life. If that makes sense. Some favorites here are Man Up, Romantics Anonymous and the Decoy Bride. Dear Frankie, actually, has maybe my favorite kiss scene in a movie. Yowza! A further theme in this general group I like is:
• Jane Austen-esque films. I'm looking at you, five hour version of Pride and Prejudice. Also basically any version of Persuasion, though I like Captain Wentworth less as time goes on...dude, it's been eight years. She's a catch. Stop playing games and be direct. 

          New find in this category: Death Comes to Pemberley on Netflix. Love! 

• Finally...I'm gonna just say independent? Hopefully I'm not misrepresenting. I often really like independent movies. They're usually not as high stakes story lines, which can be nice when the intensity of the thrillers is more than I want at that moment. These are tricky though because sometimes they don't even get a rating, so it's hard to know what you're in store for. But they often are awesome about multiple storylines weaving together (which I love), and not necessarily having everything work out perfectly for everyone but a general sense of 'everything is going to be okay, regardless of what has happened.' I recently really enjoyed Table 19 for this, Colossal and the Hollars. So many different people working out so many different issues. Must be the Psychology major in me: awesome. Love it.
  

Besides these most frequent groups you could squish my favorites into, I do enjoy seeing mega-blockbuster action flicks at least once, like Mission Impossible, LOTR, Star Wars and the Marvel ones; I have a special place in my heart for musicals and like to indulge in them from time to time; and I like Alfred Hitchcock movies...generally. I used to really like a lot of older movies but it's weird. I notice the 'women are supposed to be pretty, but are kind of ridiculous, emotional creatures, and if they're out of line can be punished like a child' vibe in a lot of older movies that I used to not notice. Not all are this way but...it's kind of a bummer. Spoiling them for me lately. 

With the exception of the Village and every once in a while The Others, I really don't like scary/ANY gory horror movies. I went through a scary movie loving kick for a summer in college and that was CRAZY! So not me.

I also almost never like...basically Adam Sandler type movies, movies where gore is supposed to be funny, or most any Scarlett Johannson or Angelina Jolie movies. (They play seductresses or violence-without-thought-while-looking-sexy ladies, usually...blegh.) And any movie that leaves you with the impression 'Well, I feel terrible now.' The Good Shepherd and The Talented Mr. Ripley had this effect; also ones that might have been interesting but involved child trauma, like A Time to Kill and Lion. Ugh. 

Honorable mentions! The movie Hours is super good, but so intense I can't see it again; same with the Pursuit of Happyness. They are totally worth seeing, but give me anxiety. Too much.

So If I had to choose...13 movies (edited to my liking) to watch for the rest of my life, as of right now I'd probably choose: Inception, Colossal, Amelie, Man Up, Runaway Jury, Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Sherlock Holmes, About Time, the Man From Uncle, Spy, the Man Who Knew Too Little, Lady in the Water, and the long version of Pride and Prejudice. Whew!

What about you?

Fall is beginning!

...so I figured I should share how we spent the last technical month of summer. :) Thank the stars for pictures from my phone! I hardly remember.

After the cabin, my brother Dan, his (pregnant!) wife, Britany, and their two kids Evelyn and Emmett came out for a Utah visit for about a week. It was so nice to see them! I love love love when ALL of my family gets to be together. Sam's too, seriously. The kids have so much fun with cousins and I love getting so much chatting time with adults that I like. Haha.

One of the experiences while they were here was visiting the farm part at Thanksgiving Point. They got to feed and ride different animals, it was great!

 (Willow didn't last long)

I also had to laugh: we made these one waffles that were AMAZING, tasted like crepes, with whipped cream and strawberries. I promise I served the kids first, and myself last...but when I finally got around to taking a pic, they'd all eaten all of theirs and mine was sitting there all beautiful. So it totally looks like the opposite. Make the children wait, MAMA IS HUNGRY!!! lol

 10 for parenting right there...

 Better.

I tried to have some fun things going on when everybody else was starting up school again. Making the most of the pool was one of those things. :)

 I know you've been missing partially-covered-by-a-finger-shots, what with 2017 technology. So...you're welcome.

Atticus turned 4 on August 30th!!! WhaaaaaaTTt! He did. We partially celebrated early with a trip to Jungle Jim's, which was a blast. On the day of, we (again), went to the pool, and were going to do a movie but there wasn't anything at the dollar theater and I'm a cheap-o these days in that regard so just made the most of a movie at home we'd never seen before, with treats and stuff. Then we had his choice for dinner, which was super nachos. Mmmmm

 LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT IT!! This was in a bathroom stall at Jungle Jims. A little seat for a baby/toddler while mama takes care of her business!!! I was so tickled I had to snap this. It was amazing.

 Nachos nachos nachos...

 Sam kept our 'use newspapers for birthday wrapping' tradition alive with Atto's presents. :)

 (Different day?...I can't remember which was his birthday time and which wasn't)

I had wanted to do something buddy-related though, and it didn't end up happening right then...so when Sam and I went down to Provo for the BYU-Utah game a week or two later, I snagged my sister-in-law Jandel and three of her kids for a trip to the Bean Museum and then a movie at the Wilkinson Center theater and called that his birthday party. Atto loved it. :)

We also celebrated a lot the next day, with even more family down in Provo and presents from the grandparents. These kids get so spoiled.

Jori did start school that we're doing through this charter school, which she attends all day Mondays and half of the day on Tuesdays. The program is designed for homeschoolers, so everybody in her class attends the same amount, too. She didn't love it at first but is enjoying it a lot more as it goes on. On Tuesdays she has four elective classes: cooking & etiquette, wilderness survival skills, arts & crafts and a tumbling class. When she gets home on Tuesdays she always wants to help with dinner. She's the best.

Money is tight and Atticus has struggled a bit with really mastering toilet training, (not to mention emotion control), so I didn't think a normal preschool was really in the agenda for this year for him. But I did want to do something, so me and two other moms in our ward are doing this homeschool preschool thing for our three boys once a week. We've only done it a couple times so far, but it's been great. :) We have some really low level academic stuff (introducing numbers and letters, basically), and then a character lesson each time.

We ran into some homeschool friends after the kids had a 'back to school' photo shoot for home school kids that this lady in one of my facebook homeschool groups does, and had an impromptu playdate in a stream at this gorgeous church house. Atticus slipped in the mud and got his shorts all dirty, so we just yanked them off. So her boys ended up ditching their pants, too. I love that they were be-boppin' around in their undies/diaper. Cute kids!

I already mentioned, but both Jori and Atticus participated in soccer this fall, with me as Jori's coach. It was an adventure! I'm a little ridiculous, you guys. I got so stressed out about coaching these 1st and 2nd grade girls. Silly business. Oh! But fun fact! Two of Jori's teammates are also homeschooled! I found that out on the last day and was delighted. Have you ever seen the DaVinci Code? You know how there's all this secret society business going on? Sometimes it feels like that's me, with homeschooling. Can't tell, can't tell! Cause I'm new and fear other people's judgment. So finding others who do it too is such a breath of fresh air.

Sam's been in overdrive with furniture projects lately it seems like, finishing painting two bookcases and totally re-doing a buffet we already had. I'm so happy with all his hard work! Bless that man. Heaven knows I'm terrible at finishing what I start, in regards to home furnishing and decor.

We took another family trip to Wheeler Farm, which we always enjoy. We actually brought along some tortillas, but I'd snagged them to feed to ducks on a different day and it hadn't ended up happening, so they'd just been sitting in the van for a few days. So by the time we offered them to the ducks at Wheeler Farm, they were all hard and the ducks had no interest! It made us laugh quite a bit.

 Willow is obsessed with my phone lately and it's driving me CRAZY. Stop with the technology, child!

Here's an awesome "I'm changing her diaper" shot. I guess it has it's uses, in a pinch.

Finally, homeschooling...we've slowly been adjusting. I'm loving the pros, and not the cons. Surprise! :)

I think overall it's been a positive experience so far. I just started a 'reading curriculum' with Atticus, since I think he wanted something else like his big sister has each day, so we're working on that for about 5-10 minutes on days we have lessons. I don't do much on the Mondays and Tuesdays (except that preschool co-op thing), because of driving Jori to that charter school. It's farther away than I'd realized when I signed her up, so that's been a bit of a pain. So we don't push it those days, and do lessons Wednesday-Saturday with a lot of flexibility there.

Jori already finished her year's reading curriculum, because she knew everything except the spelling words and those were all phonetic so she figured them out pretty easily. So we'll be moving on to the next one and going from there with that. Her math curriculum uses an abacus which has caused a lot of giggling around our house, with it's similarity to Atticus's name. :)

 I do worry about certain things, but am trying to put forth effort to overcome/combat the things I'm worried about that deserve attention, and dismiss those that don't. I'm not perfect.

I have been LOVING the way my kids have been interacting though, honestly. It's weird. We had all summer, and I swear they didn't interact this way. But they just seem...closer. Jori's been playing a lot more with Willow, as has Atticus. And with each other, they seem so much more like partners in crime these days. Not sure how to explain it exactly...but it's like in the summer, Jori played with Atticus because he was there so he was better than nothing; but often lately she's played with him because she wants him as a playmate. ? Hopefully that doesn't sound totally nonsensical.

It's not the only pro that appealed to me about homeschooling, but it was one of them. Potential for stronger family relationships. A friend in our last ward once said that she had told her teenage girls, "Friends come and go, but family is forever. So you'd better find a way to like each other!"
I really liked that.

I'm sure it'll fluctuate and seriously, there's still plenty of mischief and teasing and naughtiness that happens...but there's a lot of love there, too. Fills me up with butterflies and sunshine. 

 Oh one more: I planned all the meals in September way in advance, did all the shopping except for produce at once, compiled all the recipes into a binder, and kept the order on the fridge so if Sam wanted to do the cooking he could. Ah!!!! I've never been that on top of meals before!! Doesn't mean we followed it perfectly but it was better than any previous attempt I've made. I think the key was sticking with meals I know; meals I don't take about 3 times as long as they're supposed to, the first time I make them, so I always kind of dread doing them when it gets down to it. At least with the kids all over me. 

Here are a few random pics too:

 BYU vs. U of U game;

 Biking playdate with some friends;

 Park fun;

Cousin fun;

All three tuckered out. Awwww.

<3 p=""> That's about it. Peace out home slice.